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how i care for lung cancer: 'i took charge, but my heart was breaking'

lisa wannamaker, whose mom was diagnosed with metastatic lung cancer in 2021, says that joining groups of people who share the same experience has help her family stay hopeful and feel empowered to live in the present.

by maja begovic

nov 23 2022

7 minute read

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how i care for lung cancer: 'i took charge, but my heart was breaking'

lisa wannamaker (r) is a registered practical nurse whose mother nancy iwachniuk (l) was diagnosed with lung cancer last year. supplied

in canada, lung cancer is the most commonly diagnosed cancer, and typically, 50 per cent of people who have the disease are diagnosed at a later stage, when the cancer may have already spread to other parts of the body. currently, it affects more men than women, but since 1992, the incidence gap between the two groups appears to be narrowing.

lung cancer isn’t like other types of cancer — it carries a burning stigma that makes some people, particularly those who have smoked, ashamed and alone in their experience. but while smoking can certainly increase the risk of lung cancer, other factors, including second-hand smoke, exposure to radon, asbestos, outdoor air pollution, a long list of carcinogenic chemicals, radiation and arsenic in drinking water can also increase the likelihood of the disease, as well as a weakened immune system, certain genetic mutations, and pollutants from cooking and heating. people living with lung cancer often require support from their loved ones, but the work of those caregivers is invisible and unrecognized in canada.

lisa wannamaker is a registered practical nurse whose mother nancy iwachniuk was diagnosed with lung cancer last year. she sat down with healthing to discuss how she is lending her support, the moment that left her heartbroken, and why she believes that mindset and not knowing the prognosis have been so critical in her mother’s fight against lung cancer.

this interview has been edited for length and clarity.

in canada, lung cancer is the most commonly diagnosed cancer. supplied

how was your mother diagnosed with cancer?

my mom was diagnosed with lung cancer at age 65. it all started with rib pain on her left side, and she had a sporadic dry cough. the doctors initially thought it might be shingles, but she didn’t have a rash, and then they thought that she had pneumonia, but she wasn’t really sick. she took antibiotics and followed up with a family doctor a couple of weeks later. her family doctor thought she sounded raspy and put her on anti-reflux medication and ordered another x-ray — it didn’t look good — so the doctor ordered a ct scan after which, my mom was referred to respirologist at the ottawa hospital. i had no idea what was coming.

what happened next?

i work in health care, so my stepdad suggested that i accompany my mom to the appointment since only one person was allowed to go in. he drove, and my aunt came along for the ride as well. the respirologist asked, “do you know why you’re here?” and then told us that my mom had a mass on her lung. the doctor walked us through the next steps — my mom was to have a biopsy done, a pet scan from the neck down and a scan of her head. based on those results, she would be referred to follow up with another doctor. the respirologist said, “if it’s not cancer, you’ll come back to see me, and if it is, you’ll be referred to an oncologist, but we probably won’t meet again.”

that must have been hard to hear.

it was a bit surreal. after we left the respirologist’s office, my mom handed me a copy of her ct scan results, and once i read that, it was very clear to me that it was probably cancer. she was scared to give me the copy of her results because she didn’t want me to be worried.

do you think your mom knew what she was walking into that day at the respirologist’s office?

she shared that she really didn’t understand her ct scan results, but reading them scared her.

what went through your mind when your mom was officially diagnosed with lung cancer?

it was awful. i still well up with tears because you don’t want to see your parent go through that. both my sister and i work in health care and have access to my chart (an online patient portal), and so every time she had a test or biopsy done, we were in there reading the results. we knew what was coming, although we didn’t yet know what was going to be the treatment plan and the outcome. in front of my mom, i was strong, but when i would come home, i’d be a wreck. my manager at work encouraged me to talk with my co-workers, which was great. it helped me process what my mom was going through.

has this experience changed your relationship?

i recall one moment when my mom had just had a biopsy done and she was in the recovery room. because of covid restrictions, i had to wait to be called in. i remember going in, seeing her so pale and so sick — she was vomiting and feeling weak. it was in that moment that the roles shifted. your parent is always the figure in your life who is stable and strong and all of a sudden, i had to be that person. i took charge in that moment, but my heart was breaking.

most people can’t believe nancy iwachniuk lives with lung cancer. supplied

did you have to have one of those uncomfortable conversations about the future?

at one point, i realized that we forgot to ask the doctor about the prognosis, and as i was having that conversation with my mom, she said to me, “i don’t want to know.” this is where my mind shifted, and i resolved to focus on today. you wouldn’t have a clue that my mom is living with lung cancer.

what does your mom’s treatment consist of?

she was officially diagnosed with metastatic stage iv lung cancer, but fortunately, she was a candidate for targeted therapy, and she’ll be on it for life as long as it’s working. she was lucky enough that the treatment is fully covered because of her age — it would have otherwise cost more than $10,000 a month. i don’t know what would have happened if the treatment wasn’t covered.

what have you learned from this experience?

mindset is everything. we go on discovery missions in our area, we go on hikes, and i got my mom into kayaking this summer. we’re focusing on health, on nature, and on living for today. we also participated in lung cancer canada’s give a breath 5k event to help raise funds for the disease. we formed our own team named ‘believe,’ we completed the walk on our own trails and raised more than $3,410 in support of lung cancer initiatives. we also joined the canadian lung cancer advocacy breathe hope group on facebook — it’s comprised of cancer warriors, survivors and caregivers. that’s when i learned that there are people out there with the same diagnosis as my mom and they’ve been living with it for more than eight years. that’s been really motivating.

what’s been most challenging?

the hardest part was accepting the diagnosis and not knowing what the outcome was going to be. you don’t want to see your mom suffer in any way. the whole role reversal was also tough. my husband has always been really great, and he talks me through the tough moments. we just lost his dad last year unexpectedly, so 2021 was a difficult year for us. i’d have days when i keep thinking about the ‘what ifs,’ and i either go outside for a walk to clear my head or i pull out of it by telling myself that my mom is ok today and that’s what we need to focus on. she is completely independent, and she does everything herself — cooks, cleans, everything. she tells me that i am her physical coach and motivator, so i am the one who keeps her going physically and mentally.

how do you take care of yourself?

i feel the best in nature. that is my big thing and i know that getting outside has also helped mom. you don’t think of anything, you get to disconnect for a bit and just enjoy nature.

how should people react when someone reveals they have lung cancer?

don’t be shy and don’t not acknowledge the cancer. offer your support and encouragement. my mom has never been offended when other people have asked questions about it, and she’s now getting comfortable with sharing her story.

what advice do you have for other caregivers?

talk to other people who are going through a similar experience. join peer support groups — that was a great relief for us. try not to focus on the ‘what ifs.’ cry when you have to cry and live for today. throughout this experience, i’m very proud of my mom and how far out of her comfort zone she has come. she goes with me on hikes, she goes kayaking, and people can’t believe that she’s living with lung cancer. she hasn’t let it defeat her — she is one tough cookie.

for more information about lung cancer and to connect with others, visit lung cancer canada.

do you have a caregiving story? email info@healthing.ca.

maja begovic is a toronto-based writer.

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how i care for lung cancer: 'i took charge, but my heart was breaking'

lisa wannamaker, whose mom was diagnosed with metastatic lung cancer in 2021, says that joining groups of people who share the same experience has help her family stay hopeful and feel empowered to live in the present.

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