the history of hangover cures (sorry, man, there's no magic)

let’s get one thing clear: there is no real, tried and trusted magical hangover cure. if you’ve drank enough that you might have blacked out or that you’ve got a pounding headache or you spent the night over the toilet switching between both ends or you’re still drunk? that’s on you, bud.

fortunately, alcohol has been around since at least 10,000 bc and, as long as it has, people have been trying to concoct hangover remedies, many making unusual use of animals (not unlike the early history of condoms ).

hangover cures go way back

if we go all the way back to ancient times, the romans preferred to use raw owl eggs and fried canary at the recommendation of philosopher pliny the elder , while the egyptians preferred to wear a wreath of leaves around the neck or on the head as some kind of vampire-like warding off of bad spirits (literally), and just about everyone gave casting a spell over your alcohol before drinking it a try (odds are that didn’t work). greeks had a thing for cabbage , eaten before or after imbibing, raw or otherwise, while the assyrians opted for ground birds’ beaks and myrrh. delicious.

in ancient mesopotamia, in 5,000 bc, a doctor wrote of the following remedy : “if a man has taken strong wine and his head is affected … take licorice, beans, oleander, [with] oil and wine … in the morning before sunrise and before anyone has kissed him, let him take it and he will recover.” while it was generous of this doctor to consider this gentleman’s carnal exploits the following day, as it turns out, oleander is incredibly toxic, so it’s unlikely this man would have even made it to his lover’s bed.

in the 1200s, in england, there was the belief that simple vinegar could ease the poisons in your gut, leading to some healthy regurgitation. in fact, they were keen to spread the vinegar everywhere in hopes it might “cool” the body down after “heating up” from all the wine. at least according to john of gaddesden, an english physician who wrote the medical treatise rosa medicinae : “if any one have drunk too much, if it be a man the testicles should be washed with salt and vinegar, and if it be a woman, the breasts, also let them eat the leaf or the stalk or the juice of a cabbage with sugar.”

food and hangover cures

at that time, rollmops originated , which are pickled herring fillets with savory fillings, and which are common today, even, as part of a german hangover breakfast called katerfrühstück. scandinavians have a similar version called surströmming, which is infamous for its pungent smell — as a hangover should be, let’s be real.

there was also the notorious goddard’s drops , associated with jonathan goddard, a british doctor who was paid £1500 by king charles ii for this top secret formula. it was actually quite a gothic elixir that contained five pounds of human skull (of someone who died violently, preferably via hanging), two pounds of dried vipers, two pounds of hartshorn (ammonia) and two pounds of ivory. all of the ingredients had to be minced, distilled, shaken, filtered and redistilled, and the following dose would be about seven or eight drops. many didn’t take to it all that well, with some dying and others developing bladder stones. some cure, huh?

hair of the dog

finally, we come to hair of the dog, the oldest known “cure” in the books, which involves drinking more to ease yesterday’s drink. thus, taking “the hair of the dog that bit you,” a phrase that comes from 400 bc, and a handy little rhyme written by antiphanes : “take the hair, it is well written, of the dog by which you’re bitten, work off one wine by his brother, one labor with another.”

according to dr. robert swift, a researcher at the providence veterans affairs medical center, via harvard health , there is some truth to that, as alcohol interacts with gaba receptors on brain cells the same way some sedatives do. since some people do have withdrawal symptoms from short-acting sedatives as they wear off, it’s possible, then, that the brain reacts similarly as blood alcohol levels begin to drop. but, swift says, “the hair of the dog just perpetuates a cycle. it doesn’t allow you to recover.”

today, then, the closest thing to a real cure that we have is knocking an advil back before you head to bed and drinking a whole lot of water. and that’s attacking the hangover before it happens, because once it does, there really isn’t much you can do other than weather it out and try any of the aforementioned historical cures to at least feel like you’re trying. eating carbs is definitely your friend, by the way, as it’s not only comforting, but because drinking may lower blood sugars.