what it feels like: adhd and learning to communicate 'why i did the things i did'

before he was finally diagnosed with adhd at 44, andré brisson was quick to anger at any perceived slight.

by robin roberts

published apr 10, 2024

7 minute read

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7 minute read

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andré brisson says the undiagnosed symptoms that caused him so many problems were the same ones that contributed to his success — once they were managed. supplied

as a child, andré brisson was disruptive in class, but not in the way kids with attention-deficit and hyperactivity disorder (adhd) are typically disruptive: running around, climbing on chairs, bouncing off the walls. he was more vocally and intellectually disruptive — challenging teachers’ authority and ideology, voicing his opinions when he disagreed with them. in high school, he had difficulty fitting in with accepted social norms, referring to himself as a “unique oddball”. he says he struggled with constant emotional dysregulation — irrational emotions that came on intensely and immediately.

as a young adult, any slight — real or imagined — set him off, and he was quick to anger. as an engineer in his first — and only — job working for others, he had trouble keeping on top of things because he couldn’t handle the many distractions and interruptions common to an office setting. so he started going to work early, spending hours alone organizing, preparing and verifying ongoing projects, desperate not to overlook anything.

then, after his colleagues left for the day, he would put in more hours catching up, rechecking his work, refining details, making sure projects were moving forward. he was doing more work in four hours than his co-workers were doing in two days. but his methods confounded them, even though he met the objectives.

“if you work for people and go outside the norm, even though the job gets done — and maybe done better — they don’t understand how you got there and that becomes a problem,” says brisson, who lives in ingersoll, on. “so, in a way, i started my first company to create an environment that was safe for me.”

living with adhd

brisson realized there was something seriously wrong with him when he started screaming at his children for no reason, and was shattered by the look of fear in their eyes. “it freaked me out, so i decided to get help,” he says. “adhd had been on my radar [as a possible explanation], but i was looking for another reason why i was messed up. but adhd was what was wrong with me.”

he was officially diagnosed — four years ago at the age of 44 — when he endured what he calls a life tempest. “i was losing a business i started, i got into a bad partnership that was falling apart, i was screaming at my kids, and my symptoms took hold of me,” he says. “i was not pleasant to be around.”

brisson says he was grappling with emotional regulation, impulsivity, working memory, time management, and rational thinking. the self-imposed urgency he created to keep on top of things —constantly rushing from one thing or one place to another — began to burn him out.

because of the difficulty he had working within an office environment, constrained with rules set by someone else, he started his own engineering firm. to keep himself on track and focused, he created a rigid system of structure and routine, free of distractions.

“i leave myself notes; i colour-code my calendar; i have white boards all over my office with a list of active projects; i tell people i’m not going to remember stuff so i need them to follow up with me; i seclude myself in my office so i can’t be distracted visually. everything i need to work on is brought in to me. i log-book everything that i discuss with people right away so it’s not rattling around my brain and burning energy that’s not required.”

after a psychiatrist diagnosed him with severe adhd, as well as mild asperger’s syndrome, he went on medication but found that it dampened his emotional regulation too much, to the point it was draining his energy. but the diagnosis was a relief, as he finally had an answer for his symptoms.

“once i got the diagnosis i did a crap load of research,” he says. “from that, i was able to form a vocabulary to understand why i did the things i did. now i can communicate it.”

he says his wife would get upset when he would leave the house without saying goodbye. his team members would feel rebuffed when he didn’t say good morning to them. “but i wouldn’t hear my wife saying goodbye, because my physical body was still at the house but my brain was already at work. and when i’m working, i’m hyper-focused so i ignore people because i want to stay hyper- focused. if it’s broken it will take me an hour or two to get back into it. now i communicate that. i tell [colleagues] i’m not being rude; i just need to stay focused or it will take me too long to get back. once you get that vocabulary to explain, the right people will understand.”

brisson says the undiagnosed symptoms that caused him so many problems were the same ones that contributed to his success — once they were managed. having his own company gave him control over who to hire, how to structure his environment, and allowed him to work in his own way at his own pace, all of which help manage his symptoms.

he says he also has different spaces for different activities. “i have my thinking room where i go to focus, and i have another area where i’m available to everyone, where i can be distracted. at home i have a reading area, and a creative area. for me to physically move from one place to another helps my brain see i’m in a different spot now, my mindset is different so it knows it has to transition. my morning ritual is: come into the office, get a coffee, read a couple newspaper articles, then read my emails. if i don’t get that coffee, it disrupts my day.”

brisson has tried group therapy and cbt, but prefers calming techniques, such as dialectical behaviour therapy. “it teaches you how to be assertive, how to communicate feelings and emotions, how to regulate emotions with mindfulness, how to deal with different situations by running through scenarios and role playing,” he says.

he also practices mindful meditation every night before bed to calm his mind so he can fall asleep quicker. he says it also helps with his physical and mental restlessness during the day.

to help others with adhd, he started a podcast called the impulsive thinker, which features high-achieving entrepreneurs with adhd who share their own journeys with the disorder, as well as experts in the field who talk about managing the condition. his tactical breakthroughs blog offers a framework for self-advocacy using the same systems he created to manage his symptoms.

based on his own experience and research, his advice — for entrepreneurs and anyone else — is to learn as much as you can about adhd, and take ownership of your condition. “create a system just for you. find your own rituals or routines and environment control, which includes getting rid of people who don’t accept you for your differences. if you have a growth mindset, start with one little goal, achieve that, then start a new one. avoid social media, because there’s so much misinformation. learn from an actual book, which can also come in audio form. learn how you learn, because if you can understand what you’re learning, you’ll be able to work things out.”

what is adhd?

adhd is a chronic, complex neurodevelopmental disorder that affects five to nine per cent of canadian children and three to five per cent of adults, according to the centre for adhd awareness, canada (caddac). it’s the most common neurodevelopmental disorder in children, affects males and females almost equally (although males are usually diagnosed more often), and crosses all ethnic and socioeconomic backgrounds.

there are three types of adhd, which can present as mild, moderate or severe: hyperactive, inattentive and, the most common, a combination of the two.

the hyperactive type, which affects mostly boys, is characterized by constant motion, restlessness, impatience, impulsivity, fidgeting, interrupting others, running or climbing excessively, or talking constantly, according to the centre for addiction and mental health (camh).

the inattentive type presents as trouble paying attention, difficulty staying focused, frequently having problems with organization and planning, easily distracted, often forgetful and tending to lose things.

adhd causes, diagnosis and treatment

studies have yet to determine an exact cause of adhd, but researchers agree there’s a strong genetic link: if one or both of your parents had it, you — and your siblings — are more likely to inherit it. other research has shown environmental factors, such as exposure to toxins as a child, to be a contributor.

a family doctor or psychiatrist can make a diagnosis and prescribe medication. a registered psychologist can also diagnose, but cannot prescribe or recommend medication.

diagnosis can take up to two days, as the practitioner needs to take a detailed medical history, as well as rule out other issues such as hormonal, vision, hearing or other learning disorders. people with adhd often have co-morbidities, such as anxiety and depression, autism or asperger’s syndrome.

stimulant or non-stimulant drugs are usually prescribed to control symptoms, but work best in combination with treatments such as cognitive behavioural therapy (cbt).

for more information, resources and supports, check out caddac, caddra, the centre for addiction and mental health, chadd, any of the provincial adhd clinics, or additude, a magazine specifically targeted to those with the condition. good books that focus on the disorder include taking charge of adult adhd by leading expert dr. russell a. barkley; a radical guide for women with adhd, by sari solden and michelle frank; and the couple’s guide to thriving with adhd, by melissa orlov and nancie kohlenberger.