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what it feels like: ‘i will never be my normal’ after surviving multiple cancers

with the cancer in remission, marcelle abou rjeily thought the worst was over.

by karen hawthorne

oct 4 2024

6 minute read

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“i’m generally a very positive person and very optimistic. i’m very positive about everything. but cancer still hits you hard,” marcelle abou rjeily, left, says, adding she’s never going to be the go-go-go energetic mom again. supplied

marcelle abou rjeily had half of her tongue cut out because of a painful, unexplained growth that was getting larger and made it nearly impossible for her to eat. she lost 85 pounds on her petite frame, along with muscle mass, bone density and eventually her cleaning business.

illness takes a toll, and marcelle’s unimaginable journey through cancer was just beginning.

“it was not as severe or high-risk or anything that we thought was going to turn into cancer,” says marcelle, a 51-year-old mom of four in edmonton, alta., and now a full-time bookkeeper. “it was like a little blister on my tongue. we thought it was because maybe i’m clenching my jaw a lot and my tongue is rubbing on my teeth. it kept growing and growing and i had severe pain. i was given many topical treatments for the first two to three years.”

she bounced around the system from an orthodontist to an oral specialist to a dermatologist, but no one could figure out how to stop the blister from growing or what exactly it was. it was almost three years before she was referred to a cancer specialist at the university of alberta.

by then it had spread to her lower lip and damaged her gums. she had surgeries to remove part of her tongue, but her tongue grew back and the growth reappeared. a biopsy to identify the cause came back normal. it was her third surgery that changed the course of her disease. her specialist later had a theory about what happened: a rogue cancer cell from the growth on her tongue “escaped” during the partial tongue removal surgery and hit the lymph nodes in her neck.

“once that cell hit the lymphatic system in my neck, in just a matter of days, my neck was so swollen. i knew something was wrong.” her surgeon, however, attributed the swelling to a side effect of her surgery, but marcelle was persistent. months later, she had a biopsy on her neck which came back irregular.

she remembers the call from the doctor’s office: “the doctor would like to talk to you. i knew at that point that i was in trouble.”

it was almost stage 3 cancer. in september 2022, she had two surgeries to remove the tumour in her mouth and 34 lymph nodes in her neck area. she had to stop working and let her family pick up the pieces and manage the household. “i lost all my muscle mass so i couldn’t walk for probably six or seven months, and i couldn’t eat for over a year.”

luckily, she connected with the wheels of hope program through the canadian cancer society where volunteer drivers took her to many of her hospital appointments. her husband was there for her as much as possible, but he needed to keep his business afloat as sole income provider.

“in the end, it’s not important. it’s your family. get the essentials you need and be happy,” marcelle abou rjeily, third from right, says about her perspective on life after surviving multiple cancers. supplied

following the surgeries, marcelle had to deal with chemotherapy and 30 rounds of radiation therapy on her throat and chest. she was tired, had skin irritation from the radiation burn and lost a lot of her long, thick hair. and when she applied for government financial aid, she was denied because she couldn’t show income from her cleaning business. she also wasn’t able to do any part-time bookkeeping because she physically couldn’t be in an office for hours.

one of the hardest parts was the extreme weight loss. it meant buying new clothes and even shoes, and seeing the reaction of people who would hardly recognize her. “some of my friends would start crying because they can’t comprehend how i used to look and how i look now,” she says, feeling deflated and uncertain about who she’d become.

“i’m generally a very positive person and very optimistic. i’m very positive about everything. but cancer still hits you hard,” she says, adding she’s never going to be the go-go-go energetic mom again, driving her teens to sports events and skating, or going out with family and friends because she’s just too tired to socialize.

with the cancer in remission, though, she thought the worst was over.

and then she felt a lump, first in her left thigh and then one in her breast. it was november 2023. she had already had a pet scan done a few months earlier for her cancer monitoring that had come back clear, and a cat scan booked in mid-january. “i thought because i already did a pet scan a few months earlier i was probably ok,” she explains. then her cat scan came back as negative.

the breast lump was hard and movable. the thigh lump was very soft and movable. she couldn’t fathom why the scans didn’t pick up anything. she went to her family doctor who said the thigh lump should be of no real concern, but the breast lump was a high concern. he booked marcelle in for a mammogram, ultrasound and biopsy immediately for the next day. on january 24, 2024, she was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer.

“hearing that i have to deal with breast cancer was a shock because it was totally unexpected. i noticed the lump myself because i had lost so much weight. i could literally see it. it was devastating to me. all i could think of was, what more does my family have to put up with? and the health of my four kids. are my three girls going to have to live in fear of a breast cancer diagnosis themselves?”

this time, she went to a different oncologist who said she was lucky. the cancer was too small and didn’t attach to other tissue for growth, so it wasn’t detected by the imaging. she was also told the type of breast cancer was non-hereditary, so genetic predisposition wouldn’t have been passed to her girls.

so, the cancer intervention started all over again. marcelle had surgery in late february to remove the lump and affected nodes in her underarm, and then five rounds of radiation in may. the main symptoms she experienced are common for radiation: energy loss, fatigue and radiation burns. “i couldn’t get out of bed for three days after the fifth treatment. thank god it was the long weekend so i could literally do nothing.”

as she had expected, recovery and working full-time as a bookkeeper was very difficult and still is. marcelle is the heart of her family, keeping a brave face no matter what.

“trying to stay positive for everyone throughout all the pain was sometimes very trying and exhausting.” now she’s on cancer-blocking medication and has a mammogram in november to make sure there’s no recurrence.

“i will never be my normal,” she admits. “i used to be very high energy. i used to be on the go 12- to 16-hour days. now, i’m lucky i can get through a workday. i’m extremely exhausted.”

she’s had to accept her health and capabilities as they are today – something that’s not been easy. having her family close, including her parents and siblings all within a 15-minute drive, has meant incredible support. she also has three close friends who have gone through cancer. “we’ve all shared our stories and how we’re feeling, because when you talk to somebody who hasn’t gone through it, they have no idea,” she says, mentioning her dad’s cancer as well.

“my father had cancer four times, bladder cancer, and he beat it all four times. now i understand exactly what he went through.”

her cancer experience has also influenced her perspective on what’s most important in life, she says. it’s not working non-stop and chasing after money. “in the end, it’s not important. it’s your family. get the essentials you need and be happy.

while disease teaches us patience and acceptance, she says cancer is never about giving up. marcelle has started to go back to the gym to build up her strength. she’s adamant that others take care of themselves and push for answers if they’re concerned about something that doesn’t seem right with their body. she wants to share her story to help others.

“i kept running after doctors to get an answer. you have to always advocate for yourself when you know something is wrong. you’re the only one who knows your body.”

karen hawthorne

karen hawthorne worked for six years as a digital editor for the national post, contributing articles on health, business, culture and travel for affiliated newspapers across canada. she now writes from her home office in toronto as a freelancer, and takes breaks to bounce with her son on the backyard trampoline and walk bingo, her bull terrier.

what it feels like: ‘i will never be my normal’ after surviving multiple cancers

with the cancer in remission, marcelle abou rjeily thought the worst was over.

how i care for breast cancer: ‘you just have to take it as it comes, moment by moment’

what it feels like: stage 4 breast cancer is ‘incurable but it is treatable, so here i am’

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what it feels like: ‘i will never be my normal’ after surviving multiple cancers

with the cancer in remission, marcelle abou rjeily thought the worst was over.

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