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cervical cancer

what it feels like: cervical cancer, hpv awareness and the power of family

"your whole life flashes before your eyes. but you’re also feeling motivated to get treatment started, because you have this sense of ‘i can do this,’" cindy howard says of being diagnosed with cervical cancer.

by karen hawthorne

published may 07, 2024

last updated may 09, 2024

9 minute read

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9 minute read

join the conversation

cindy howard, right, says that her husband mike, left, and son mason are what kept her going through the fears and uncertainty while being treated for cervical cancer. supplied

when she was 32, cindy howard was like most people at that age, thinking she was young and in great health. she had solid lifestyle habits, committing to regular exercise workouts and eating well with her husband mike and four-year-old son mason. she also worked in healthcare as a nurse for a private patient support program that helps people navigate their treatment. but her life took a dramatic turn. she just got back to her winnipeg home from a work trip to toronto where she had felt an odd heaviness in her vagina, almost as if she was wearing a tampon. now back home, she did a self-exam in the shower and felt a hard fixed mass on her cervix.

“i screamed, i almost passed out. my husband ran in and asked what was wrong, and i told him, ‘something is really, really wrong.’ and he knew by the look on my face that i almost knew in that moment that it was cancer,” says howard. she went to urgent care where she got a referral to see a gynecologist the next day.

what followed was an emotional rollercoaster of being told the mass could be benign – an abnormal but noncancerous collection of cells – but then hearing results that kept getting worse and worse. the gynecologist ordered a biopsy and an urgent mri where the radiologist said that the mass was well encapsulated, showing no signs of spreading anywhere, and likely benign. the biopsy, though, confirmed the tumour was invasive squamous cell carcinoma, cervical cancer.

howard heard the news of her diagnosis on a phone call from her gynecologist. she was at home by herself.

“it was like an out of body, surreal type of experience,” she recalls. “i just remember i fell to my knees and the whole room was spinning. then there comes the realization that, ok, i’ve got to share this with the people in my life that i love and i don’t have all the details yet. it’s terrifying.”

howard had never missed a pap test. she’d always gone to her doctor for any follow-ups. in most cases of cervical cancer, the first noticeable symptom is some vaginal bleeding other than your monthly period. howard didn’t have any spotting, so cervical cancer felt like, “it happened overnight,” she says. “what i did have, and what i realized when i was diagnosed had been a symptom for quite some time, is increased vaginal discharge,” she explains, adding that she talked to her family doctor about it but a routine pap smear came back normal. this abnormal vaginal discharge can be thick, odorous and sometimes tinged with blood and is an early sign of cervical cancer.

“i had carried on for the next couple years and i remember thinking obviously your body changes after you have a child, and [the vaginal discharge] just became my normal.”

cervical cancer and hpv

cervical cancer is now the fastest increasing cancer in women in canada. the cause in almost all cases is human papillomavirus, or hpv, the most common sexually transmitted infection, according to the canadian cancer society. in fact, hpv is more common than all other sexually transmitted infections combined. more than 70 per cent of sexually active canadians of all ages will have hpv at some point. your body naturally clears most strains of the virus within two years.

the problem is, the high-risk strains of hpv that can lead to cancer don’t have any symptoms, so people who aren’t screened for hpv won’t even know they have it and they pass it unknowingly onto a partner.

sudden change in diagnosis and treatment plans

regular pap smears usually detect cell changes on the cervix that might become cervical cancer, but they’re not 100 per cent accurate. because cervical cancer develops very slowly in most people, follow-up pap tests should identify any suspect changes well in time for treatment.

this didn’t happen for howard. after getting the call about her cancer, she was referred to an oncologist for cancer staging and a treatment plan. she learned she was stage 1b where the cancerous area is larger but still only in the tissues of the cervix and hasn’t spread. the oncologist said the tumour was too large for surgery, so she recommended radiation and chemotherapy. this meant meeting with a radiation oncologist to set up her treatment.

howard explains that part of that process is getting a ct scan where the radiation oncologist maps the treatment area for radiation. the ct scan is used to identify the exact location of the tumour and where the pinpoint tattoo marks on your skin will go to line up the radiotherapy machine. the ct scan is not usually a diagnostic tool, but she got a call that the scan showed that her lymph nodes looked to be affected by cancer. in other words, she had been misdiagnosed.

next came a pet scan to confirm the staging and the location of the cancer. “at that point, my diagnosis was changed to a stage 3c, dramatically different,” she says of the staging that meant her cancer had spread and her treatment plan would be more challenging.

“when i got essentially the second diagnosis, which was even scarier, i asked the radiation oncologist, ‘how do women with this type of diagnosis typically fare? do they typically do well?’ and all he responded to me was ‘some.’ that’s all he said. just the one word.”

perseverance through cervical cancer treatment and the fight for normalcy

what does it feel like being told you have cancer that could be fatal?

“you’re terrified. your whole life flashes before your eyes. but you’re also feeling motivated to get treatment started, because you have this sense of ‘i can do this.’ i think i blocked the fact that the statistics for stage 3 aren’t great. i very much told myself that every case is unique. i’m an individual person. i have access to amazing healthcare in this country, so we’re going to just have an optimistic outlook. because it was all i could do.”

at the same time, she and her husband decided not to tell their young son and changed as little as possible in the family routine. every morning, she would be getting ready as she normally would except that she went for treatment instead of work. as treatment went on, she became sicker and sicker, making it more difficult to play with little mason.

radiation is the main part of treatment for most cervical cancers and howard had more than 30 monday-to-friday daily clinic visits for radiation with an additional chemotherapy infusion after her radiation on wednesday. it was rough.

“i had a lot of bowel side effects and bladder side effects,” she says. “my small intestine sat in the field of radiation unfortunately, and they’re not able to prevent that. i had bad diarrhea all day and some nausea. my worst symptoms were abdominal pain, abdominal cramping and diarrhea.” she lost over 20 pounds, got “really small” and felt physically weak. a positive note was that the chemo didn’t affect her hair which helped her to recognize herself in the mirror and others didn’t know that she was sick.

like most people in cancer treatment, she couldn’t work. she was off for three months leading up to treatment and then three months off after treatment ended. then she returned to work on a gradual basis. “i rebounded fairly quickly after treatment stopped. my appetite came back. i was able to start a regular routine. but to this day, four and a half years later, i still have a lot of ongoing issues with my bowel and my bladder.” her unpredictable diarrhea makes going out with friends or dinner difficult.

but she’s alive and her cancer hasn’t come back.

life after cervical cancer treatment

she sees a urologist for her bladder issues and a gastroenterologist for her stomach problems. the only medication she’s on is hormone replacement therapy because of treatment-induced menopause.

“honestly, i feel so incredibly grateful that i have my son and that i was able to have my son before i got sick. he is amazing. i try to focus on how lucky i am because a lot of women that i’ve had the privilege of getting to know, who have been diagnosed with cervical cancer as well, didn’t have that opportunity to have a child before they got sick.”

her voice breaks as she talks about what kept her going through all the uncertainties and side effects: “definitely hands down my family. mainly my son. i’m going to cry. my desire to see him grow up is everything to me. everything.”

when her son learned about canadian cancer legend terry fox at school, howard and her husband told him about her cancer – it was a relief to have it all out in the open and helped with her emotional healing from the trauma of cancer. she also decided to reach out to others with cervical cancer and take part in advocacy as a patient family advisor with the canadian partnership against cancer. the group developed the action plan for the elimination of cervical cancer in canada. she’s part of the cervical cancer action plan working group and the hpv screening group.

“it’s been really rewarding and they’re such a great group. there are physicians and very scientific people in the group and they know so much about so many things. i feel that even just my presence in these meetings helps to ground the conversation. it reminds them that there are real people that we need to save.”

hpv awareness, vaccination and advocating for yourself

howard is quick to point out that saving people from cervical cancer starts with hpv vaccination – something she is fiercely determined to promote.

“i don’t know if my cancer was caused by hpv. we just assume it was,” she notes. the hpv vaccine was approved in canada in 2006 when howard was 19, studying to become a nurse. “in nursing school we get every vaccine. but the vaccine was so new at the time, it wasn’t even offered to us as nursing students. it’s kind of a moot point because i was already sexually active then anyway. i only received the vaccine when i was 26, but i figured i’d get it in case because it can still help protect against hpv.”

the important message that she wants the public to hear is to vaccinate their kids for hpv. hpv-related cancers are on the rise, like head, neck and anal cancers as well as cervical cancer, and we have the tools to fight it.

“now the hpv vaccine is being offered in schools, thank god. but there’s still a stigma and there are still parents who believe that it encourages sexual activity. and it’s wild to me because i’ll tell you, one of the first questions that my mom asked me when i was diagnosed is, ‘could i have prevented this for you?’ and the relief on her face when i said ‘no, i was an adult when the vaccine came out.’ now imagine as a parent, you chose not to vaccinate your child and they got cancer because of it. i can’t even fathom it … having gone through what i have, you wouldn’t wish that upon anyone. and i will vaccinate mason the moment that i can. it’s our responsibility to protect our kids.”

there’s also been time for reflection over the past few years. howard often wonders if she could have done something different to change her patient journey. “i think the only thing if i could go back in time would be to push harder about the one symptom that i was experiencing,” she admits.

“it’s so important for us to not brush things off. we need to advocate for ourselves. we need to be our strongest advocates.”

for more information and support services for hpv, visit hpvinfo.ca and the canadian cancer society.

karen hawthorne

karen hawthorne worked for six years as a digital editor for the national post, contributing articles on health, business, culture and travel for affiliated newspapers across canada. she now writes from her home office in toronto and takes breaks to bounce with her son on the backyard trampoline and walk bingo, her bull terrier.

what it feels like: cervical cancer, hpv awareness and the power of family

"your whole life flashes before your eyes. but you’re also feeling motivated to get treatment started, because you have this sense of ‘i can do this,’" cindy howard says of being diagnosed with cervical cancer.

hpv in canada: stats, impact and resources

diagnosed with hpv: managing treatment, support and cancer risks

cervical cancer and hpv

sudden change in diagnosis and treatment plans

perseverance through cervical cancer treatment and the fight for normalcy

life after cervical cancer treatment

hpv awareness, vaccination and advocating for yourself

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what it feels like: cervical cancer, hpv awareness and the power of family

"your whole life flashes before your eyes. but you’re also feeling motivated to get treatment started, because you have this sense of ‘i can do this,’" cindy howard says of being diagnosed with cervical cancer.

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