how i care: 'caregiving is demanding, but it can also be rewarding, even while your heart is breaking'

this is the first interview in healthing’s new series, how i care, which takes a look at the lives of caregivers — the challenges, the heartbreaks, the joys and the lessons learned. this is lynn daigneault’s story.

within minutes, an ambulance arrived to transport him to a local hospital, and over the next 48 hours, doctors ran multiple tests to pinpoint the exact cause of his breathing difficulties. dwight tested negative for covid-19 — a result which lynn says brought them both a sense of relief, but his symptoms persisted, and he underwent additional testing. two days after he first arrived at the hospital, lynn learned that her husband who was already battling lung cancer had pleural effusion or fluid buildup in the lungs, and subsequent tests revealed that the lung cancer had metastasized to his brain.

every year, more than 29,000 canadians are diagnosed with lung cancer, according to the canadian cancer society , and the majority of cases can be attributed to known risk factors such as tobacco use, family history, second-hand smoke, pollution and exposure to radon and asbestos — but many people also develop the disease without ever being exposed to any of these things. lung cancer can also spread to other parts of the body, usually to the liver, bone, kidneys, or the brain.

when dwight was diagnosed with non-small cell carcinoma , he was 82, healthy, physically active, and not on any medication. the diagnosis came out of the blue — he never smoked a day in his life, and he was the kind of man who could inspire people half his age to prioritize fitness and their health. when healthing first interviewed him in november 2020, he expressed how grateful he was for the love and support of his wife lynn who took on the role of his caregiver. on may 25, 2021, dwight chose medical assistance in dying and passed away peacefully at his home.

as a caregiver to your husband, what responsibilities did you take on?

what is the hardest part of caring for someone?

did you have emotional support for yourself?

caregiving is hard, how do you stay optimistic?

but, as a former personal trainer, i know that fitness is important to my physical and mental health, so i trained on zoom with my trainer — who is also a friend — twice a week, and i took virtual qigong classes a couple of times a week as well. i walked whenever i could, listened to music, and i cried a lot on the shoulders of friends and family who were available to me and who allowed me to get rid of stress that way. if caregiving would have led to my husband being alive, it would have been easy to stay positive, but there was nothing to be optimistic about because when he is gone, then what?

was there something that helped you stay balanced?

did you allow yourself to get emotional in front of dwight?

if you could do it all over again, would you change anything?

emergency departments also communicate with other departments by fax and a fax requisition for a major procedure that my husband needed, which was to put in a drainage tube, was never received. i had to call and involve an oncologist at the princess margaret cancer centre that my husband had not even seen yet, and luckily, he turned out to be one of the most wonderful doctors who was able to push this along — he stayed in contact in with me throughout the weekend and arranged for a senior surgeon to take dwight in for surgery on monday morning.

did dwight often require emergency care?

i had to take dwight twice to the emergency department for a kidney stone, and they sent him home with a referral that fell through the cracks. he was in terrible pain, so on a saturday morning, i called medcan , a private health delivery service, signed him up for year-round care, and put it on my credit card. within 10 minutes, we had a virtual appointment with a doctor that evening who referred him to a urologist on monday morning, and by the end of that week, he had the kidney stone removed. hospitals themselves provide great treatment, but emergency departments do not.

what’s helpful to say to someone who is a caregiver?

what should people never say to a caregiver who lost their loved one?

what advice would you give to someone who is just starting out on their caregiving journey?

what kind of support is available to caregivers?

any advice for caregivers who want to do it all on their own?

looking back on your experience, what are you most grateful for?

i am very grateful for medical assistance in dying (maid) because we knew the day my husband would die and that was very hard, but it gave his son, his grandchildren, and his friends a chance to spend an hour with him and talk. i am also grateful to my family and friends — they are everything to me — and for the acts of kindness that came my way. i am so grateful that i had a chance to be together with my husband 24/7 in his last year and that he died a peaceful death at home with his family. i’m grateful to the government for providing medical assistance in dying, so that my husband didn’t have to suffer the ravages of brain cancer.