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advice: is it okay to get hairy?
healthing's advice columnist says skipping personal care is bad for your relationship.
apr 6 2020
3 minute read
dear asking for a friend,
i noticed that guys everywhere are letting their facial hair grow. i get it, i mean, why would you take the time to shave every day when you aren’t going anywhere? as i woman, i have to admit i have also let things slide in the personal upkeep area — let’s just say that the lady down at the waxing place — you know, the one with the sign in the window that says, “stop shaving your beaver” — is going to have her work cut out for her when all of this covid-19 stuff settles. but here’s my question, is it ok to just let myself go, so to speak? i am thinking of putting away my razor completely, let the leg and armpit hair abound. my girlfriend though doesn’t feel the same. she is making an effort to shave her legs and wash her hair every day – she even puts makeup on sometimes. not sure that it’s a deal breaker for us yet, but i wanted to get your thoughts before we get there.
signed, hairy and just don’t care
dear hairy and just don’t care,
we all go through periods when we feel a little bored and uninspired by life. time spent at home during self-isolation is no exception. in fact, the daily rut of routine can make us feel unfulfilled, unmotivated and stuck. you seem like a you are pretty laid back about the whole thing, but sporting a jungle is no small thing. plus, relationships are a two-way street and when you stop putting in the effort, other things can get hairy pretty damn fast.
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it’s a lot like exercise actually. if you get in shape and then quit, over time your muscles will get weaker, as will your body. yup, we are pulling the relationship card — letting yourself go isn’t so much about letting yourself go, as it is about how you value the bond with your mate. in these extraordinary times, you owe it to yourself and your partner to indulge in a little self-care, even if you don’t want to.
“self-care is so important right now because our routines have been disrupted in a way we haven’t experienced before,” says dr. kathy keating , registered clinical psychologist and a member of the canadian psychological association . “there are a lot things spinning out of control, but taking care of yourself is what you do have control over.”
contrary to popular belief, prioritizing self-care doesn’t make you superficial or vain, if that’s what you’re worried about. hopefully, your partner has fallen in love with you for more than just your looks, so while you shouldn’t feel pressure to look hot all the time, you should make an effort to keep up your appearance — after all, your girlfriend is. it’s true what they say — when you look good, you feel good. prioritizing self-care is good for your mental health and your love life.
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and this isn’t all that paying attention to yourself is good for. according to dr. keating, falling behind in personal care might make you feel unproductive, sluggish or fatigued. it can also mess with your sleep.
let’s face it — every significant other out there appreciates a partner who takes care of themselves. we’re not saying you have to look selfie-ready every waking moment — in fact, we’re exhausted just thinking about it — but you should certainly make an effort. dr. keating suggests “chunking your quarantine” — that is, focus on small goals and victories and do something for yourself every day. maybe you shave your legs one day, pluck eyebrows the next and file your nails the next.
“it’s a tricky balance because we’re not going to be performing the same way as we normally do,” says dr. keating. “there’s benefit to having a routine and structure, but manage your expectations with it. you’re not going to function as you do in a normal setting.”
we totally get it, hairy and just don’t care. life in quarantine is a big adjustment, and falling off the wagon happens to all of us. the point is to pick yourself up and get back on track. self-care is self-love, so choose you. chances are, it’ll make you a better person and partner.
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