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'delayed grief': families can finally plan funerals in saskatchewan
“the emotional impact on grieving families has been enormous, without a doubt,” said a funeral home owner expecting long-delayed ceremonies.
jul 4 2021
5 minute read
regina, sask : june 29, 2021 -- kelsi palmer, manager of special projects at speers funeral & cremation services, stands inside the chapel at the speers property on college avenue in regina, saskatchewan on june 29, 2021. brandon harder/ regina leader-post
brandon harder
/
regina leader-post
by: arthur white-crummey
sharon bagwell is still waiting to say goodbye.
she remembers feeling sorry for other families who had to grieve under pandemic restrictions. she never expected it would happen to her until her husband, david bagwell, passed away on may 7 in regina.
sharon was with him every day in his final weeks, but her grieving still feels incomplete.
“there’s no closure,” she said.
there was no ceremony. david, 82, was simply interred. the family, split between saskatchewan and manitoba, opted against a virtual or small-scale service under covid-19 restrictions. sharon wanted a real service, where david’s circle of friends and family could gather to share food, memories and support.
“i would really hope that we can have some kind of a celebration,” she said, “when we’re able to.”
that day will be coming soon. funeral homes across the province are preparing for a backlog of postponed funerals, as families who’ve waited months to organize a restriction-free ceremony finally have the chance to do so on july 11.
dustin hall, chair of the funeral and cremation services council of saskatchewan, said the long wait can lead to “delayed grief” and “compounded grief” for families.
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“the emotional impact on grieving families has been enormous, without a doubt,” he told the leader-post.
about 20 families postponed ceremonies at his own hall funeral services in estevan and redvers. hall said eight families decided not to wait any longer as restrictions dragged on, and have held services since. but he’s expecting the remaining 12 to follow once restrictions lift, mostly in july and august.
“you would likely see more staggering numbers coming from a larger volume funeral home in regina or saskatoon, but this is very significant for our communities,” he explained.
regina’s speers funeral & cremation services saw about 200 postponed services during the pandemic, according to kelsi palmer, manager of special projects. some might not go ahead, but she expects most to come back. already, about 25 have inquired about rescheduling after july 11.
there was a time when it seemed like most every family was postponing. still, speers was able to offer services under even the tightest restrictions. they live-streamed services. they bought an fm transmitter to broadcast graveside services to mourners waiting in their cars.
but sharon bagwell didn’t want to settle for a socially distanced funeral for david.
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“i don’t want to be just standing by a graveyard, everyone standing six feet apart, and then go home,” she said. “he deserves more than that.”
she’s considering speers as an option for the celebration david deserved. she wants to see his children all together in regina. she foresees a priest, a eulogy and a luncheon the family can share. she hopes it can happen this summer.
“i don’t want to put this off — it’s just too hard,” sharon said. “i just want to give him a nice farewell.”
like so much else, the loosening of funeral restrictions has been a gradual process. the first step of saskatchewan’s re-opening roadmap boosted capacity limits . palmer called that “a welcome change.” but the rules still banned food and beverages. that changed in step 2, allowing speers to offer receptions with food in their family centre.
“it allows families to be together and visit and reminisce and share memories in a safe way — something that they really have missed out on in the last year and a half,” she said.
but even with higher limits and socially distanced catering, many families are still deciding to wait for the full elimination of restrictions on july 11. those who opted for cremation will still be able to hold a traditional memorial service. for those who went with a casket burial, there are other options even long after interment.
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“what we’re seeing more now is a celebration of life, when you have that long period between someone’s passing and having a service,” said palmer. “it’s a time to gather and celebrate the loved one’s life, and really just being together and sharing in the support of one another.
“you don’t realize how much you need that time together until you’re not able to do it,” she added.
neither hall nor palmer are expecting inordinate troubles from coordinating months of rescheduled funerals with ceremonies for more recent deaths, though hall acknowledged it may be “tricky” on weekends. palmer said speers can manage with its ample space and staffing.
it will just be busier than usual.
churches are also expecting rescheduled services to keep them busy. about half of the parishes in the catholic archdiocese of regina found that requests for funerals decreased through 2020, according to spokesman eric gurash, and about a quarter have already seen an increase as restrictions begin to lift.
“several expect there to be an increase in graveside interments of delayed burials as the re-opening progresses,” he explained. “these would be cases where loved ones have had a small catholic celebration immediately following the death where a loved one was cremated and have held off on burial until restrictions are lifted.”
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but even as the government allows traditional funeral services to resume, funeral homes believe the pandemic will have a lasting legacy. hall isn’t sure everyone will be totally comfortable gathering in large groups all at once. he expects families to ease back in. and he thinks live streaming is here to stay.
“we certainly won’t be tucking our equipment into a closet, i don’t think,” he said. “i think that’s going to be a continued request that’s made of us on a regular basis.”
the same goes for speers. palmer thinks live streaming is a way to connect for families scattered across canada or abroad. and she agrees with hall that anxiety about large crowds won’t disappear all at once.
“we see things like live streaming or using our fm transmitter are here to stay,” she said.
sharon bagwell, however, is a traditionalist.
“i’m older,” she said. “we’re not wired for this.
“i find it’s difficult. it’s hard on the whole family but… it affects me the most, because i’m alone.”
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