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how i care for depression: two views of the same lifelong disease

for the past four decades, joy davies has cared for individuals with various health disorders. jeff sounalath has experience on both sides of depression.

by angelica bottaro

nov 20 2023

6 minute read

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how i care for depression: two views of the same lifelong disease

according to statistics canada, since 1990, mental disorders have accounted for “14 per cent of years of life lost due to disability.” getty images

for the past four decades, joy davies has cared for individuals with various health disorders. her official title of personal support worker does not encompass nearly half the care and dedication she puts forth in helping those who need it most.

one of her clients, jane smith, is a young woman who has been coping with depression since the young age of 14. now in her mid-20s, jane continues to fight the battle that so many people experience with joy by her side.

“she [jane] had a happy childhood. her depression started around 14 when she was a teenager. but before being diagnosed, there were signs. she was sleeping a lot, her grades were dropping, and she didn’t want to be around her friends like before,” joy said.

jeff sounalath, lpc, lcdc, ncc with adhd advisor , has experience on both sides of depression. jeff was first diagnosed at 20 years old, but his depression symptoms started long before that – at just 13 years old. since his experience and diagnosis, jeff has coped with depression and everything that comes with it while working towards a career caring for others with the same mental affliction.

“the work i am doing in this field matters, whether on personal, group, state, domestic, or international [levels]. that’s what i’m doing—helping someone’s life, even if it is just a weekly vent session about work. it is giving individuals a platform to be vulnerable,” jeff said, also highlighting his own struggles while being on the care side of the equation. “we aren’t immune to depression just because we are experts in the field. it is almost worse sometimes being a mental health therapist and having depression. i know the symptoms and signs of a depressive spiral. sometimes, it is so blatantly obvious, yet i still do it.”

caring for someone with depression, whether a loved one, a client, or yourself, is never easy for either party involved. depression is a complex disease, and each individual who experiences it does so in their own unique way.

dealing with a depression diagnosis

when jane was diagnosed with depression, she was given all the medical attention one could need: medication, counsellors, and doctors. receiving that kind of help can significantly impact how people with depression cope and overcome symptoms, but often, it’s not enough.

“she still has periods of sadness, but it is better,” joy said. “[i] try and keep her busy with social events or even things she is interested in. if she needs someone to talk to, i let her know that i am there.”

jeff recalls receiving a diagnosis almost a decade after his depression started. because of his lao-american cultural background, he felt seeking help for his symptoms was a non-starter. he wasn’t given the opportunity to open up to anyone about it, and so when he finally got the diagnosis, he was relieved.

“for me, being diagnosed with depression cleared up so much gray areas in my life and made me feel better about myself,” he said. “in lao culture, and nearly, if not all asian cultures, mental health is a taboo subject. you do not discuss it with other people outside of the family. because of this, regardless of knowing i wanted to be a therapist since i was 13 and being in a constant state of sadness and anxiousness, i wasn’t allowed to be screened for mental health as a kid [and] teen because of all the stigmas.”

the stigmas in jeff’s culture were roadblocks for his personal journey, but that same resistance to speaking about depression and its symptoms also spans many other cultures.

jeff had to cope with his depression on his own. he had to be his own caregiver, even though he had a large family that was close-knit and seemingly there for one another through thick and thin.

“even with family parties every week, going to the same schools as all of my cousins and heading over to my grandmother’s house every day after school to wait for our parents to pick us up, i still chose to keep every deep thought and emotion inside, because i didn’t feel like i had that unconditional non-judgmental relationship in my life,” he said. “now, when i think back to my childhood, all i remember is feeling lonely, insecure, and anxious.”

over the years, it led jeff to become someone who wants to care for others who may have experienced that same isolation when they first started experiencing symptoms.

coping with the changing tides of depression

people who have depression often go through periods of ups and downs during treatment. one day, they can see the light at the end of the tunnel, and the next, they are back to being at the mercy of their symptoms. since current therapies are hit-and-miss, and medications are often changed or adjusted, navigating the good and bad days is challenging without a support system.

“when you work with someone, you do the best you can to help. what makes it hard is when you go two steps forward and one step back,” joy said. “when they are sad and depressed and don’t want to go to counselling, take their meds, or even get out of bed. they need to be supported and understood.”

jeff’s experience with caring for his own depression and helping others work through theirs is often an uphill battle as well.

“in the same way, someone knows that staying in bed all day and eating a tub of ice cream is bad for you, but they do it anyway. i would say that is how it often feels when my depression starts to spike.”

knowing how the lows begin and what you should do to address them doesn’t make it any easier when you’ve learned to care for yourself. “it’s like putting salt on the wound in the sense that we know we are at a low mentally, but everything in me is saying, ‘stay in bed. you’ve hit your limit, and even the littlest thing will set you off.’ i can’t just shut off my brain and pretend that i don’t know what depression is.”

experiencing the lows of depression, firsthand or through the eyes of a caregiver can be difficult for everyone because it’s not ignorance that drives the inability to foster habits that could help heal a person, but rather the sickness taking complete and utter control of everything a person thinks, feels, and is able to do.

lacking a solid support system for depression

a solid support system is one of the most important things a person can provide while caring for someone with depression. “the system doesn’t always work when caring for someone with depression,” joy said. “if proper care is out there, caring for someone with depression will work. relapses do happen and finding the right care may not always be possible.”

the state of mental health care in canada is dire, especially with rising rates of depression. still, even jeff sees the intricacies required to help a person with the mood disorder be open to getting help when help is available. “it [depression] can engulf an individual and make them feel like all they are is a depressed person because now, they aren’t just feeling sad, but they are in a state of depression.”

people are more than their disease, but with a lack of care and the stigmas that still currently exist today surrounding mental health, many people go without the treatment, support, and care that they need. it’s easy for someone to get discouraged, even if therapy seemingly works one day and doesn’t the next. “a lot of people don’t get the help they need. support systems are the best to help with the recovery,” joy said.

finding the silver lining while caring for someone with depression

“depression can be a lifelong continuous road to deal with,” joy said. “jane is in a good place right now. she has the proper support to help if needed and is involved in many social activities to keep her busy.”

joy says seeing someone you care for flourish after struggling for so long is one of the best things about being a caregiver to someone with depression, especially when “you see them happy and trying.”

“seeing them achieve their goals makes it worthwhile,” she said.

jeff, after having cared for his own depression for years due to a lack of outside support, has found that “just knowing that i may potentially be someone’s only outlet in their life to voice their struggles, anxieties, stressors, etc. and help them get out of that hole one day, makes it all worthwhile.”

angelica bottaro

angelica bottaro is the lead editor at healthing.ca, and has been content writing for over a decade, specializing in all things health. her goal as a health journalist is to bring awareness and information to people that they can use as an additional tool toward their own optimal health.

how i care for depression: two views of the same lifelong disease

for the past four decades, joy davies has cared for individuals with various health disorders. jeff sounalath has experience on both sides of depression.

depression in canada: stats, impact and resources

what it feels like: fighting depression starts with 'naming the monster'

dealing with a depression diagnosis

coping with the changing tides of depression

lacking a solid support system for depression

finding the silver lining while caring for someone with depression

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how i care for depression: two views of the same lifelong disease

for the past four decades, joy davies has cared for individuals with various health disorders. jeff sounalath has experience on both sides of depression.

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