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home / 世界杯决赛2022

sex files: a woman's view of the world of adult entertainment

during her candid sex talk with guest gwyneth paltrow, ...

by simone paget

nov 7 2021
read time 3 minute read
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jada pinkett smith’s recent episode of her facebook live show red table talk has once again sparked debate. this time it’s about pornography and its impact on women’s sexuality.

during her candid sex talk with guest gwyneth paltrow, pinkett says, “porn has really messed us up,” and that the proliferation of adult content sends the message to women that being sexually desirable is the most important trait to have.

while i don’t disagree that pornography can have a negative impact on our sex lives (case in point: i’ve slept with people who clearly got their idea of how to satisfy a woman from adult content geared entirely towards male pleasure), i’m not sure porn itself is the problem. could it be that as a society we simply lack adequate sex education and struggle to have open and honest conversations about the nuances of sexual desire and pleasure?

lilly sparks, the trailblazing ceo and founder of the women-led erotica platform afterglow thinks it all boils down to shame. as she writes in an article for the daily beast , “there are precious few resources out there for us to learn about sex, so we turn to porn. it’s not the best solution, but there’s nothing wrong with it.” she says “it’s much easier to blame porn than the fact that society has made us so ashamed of our bodies and our sexuality that we can’t even talk to our partners about what turns us on.”

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when i spoke to sparks over email last week, she said that the biggest thing people get wrong about porn is that it’s inherently bad. “we’re human beings and sexuality is a fundamental part of who we are,” she says. as sparks explains, “for the vast majority of those people, watching porn is a great way to take a little break, to relieve stress, or to have fun with a partner. pleasure is a form of self-care.”

the way sparks sees it, the benefits of watching porn outweigh the potential negatives. “watching adult content is correlated with increased sexual satisfaction. it’s also correlated with greater desire and arousal during sex with partners, so forget the trope of “i can’t compete with porn.” she says that engaging with adult content also is correlated with self-love and orgasms, which have been proven to be good for our physical health, mental health. plus, porn is a great way to explore fantasies and learn about what turns us on.

with that being said, my main gripe with pornography is that so much of it doesn’t represent my desires or the kinds of virtual sex experiences that i crave. the dearth of female-driven erotic content is precisely what inspired sparks to create her erotica platform, afterglow .

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“i was in a relationship with my high school sweetheart from age 15 to 30, and didn’t orgasm until i was 24. we were each other’s only partners, and we were clueless. i watched porn, but it didn’t show the kind of sex i wanted to have, and it didn’t help me have a satisfying sex life. i never learned how to get in touch with my body and what i wanted,” sparks says.
in reference to pinkett and paltrow’s red table talk, sparks says, “it’s not porn that’s messed them up, it’s the lack of resources to learn about sex.” that’s why she’s committed to creating adult content that you can learn from and that can become a valuable piece of a broader sexual toolkit. afterglow includes guided pleasuring and other exercises designed to foster intimacy and connection – with yourself or a partner.
after all, sex is a skill like any other. “when i want to learn how to bake a cake, there’s tons of recipe blogs, youtube videos, tutorials, etc. why shouldn’t it be the same for sex?” sparks asks.

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