how to ask friends and family about their mental health

the covid-19 pandemic is putting intense pressure on people around the world. apart from the physical and cognitive impacts of the illness, the virus has infected our sense of well-being thanks to economic upheaval, new constraints on daily life and widespread feelings of loneliness .

if you suspect a friend or family member may be suffering, it might be difficult to broach the topic. stigma over mental health is real: according to the canadian mental health association , nearly half of people who experience depression and anxiety don’t even seek help. many people feel a sense of shame about what they’re going through and may be reluctant to bring it up themselves. here are a few things to keep in mind when discussing mental health issues with loved ones:

the cmha says  one in five people in canada will experience a mental health problem or illness in the course of a year. at some point in their lives, about eight per cent of adults will experience major depression  — characterized by low mood, anger and frustration for long periods of time and bodily changes. anxiety disorders impact about five per cent of the household population, and they run the gamut from specific phobias to general, lingering feelings of anxiety. the centre for addiction and mental health (camh)  explains disorders are often characterized by “irrational and excessive fear,” physical symptoms and avoidance. people with anxiety show “difficulty managing daily tasks and/or distress related to these tasks.”

anxiety and depression are by no means the only disorders but they are common and a factor in other mental health and addiction issues: for example, many men mask depression with drinking and people with obsessive compulsive disorder may have co-morbid disorders such as depression or eating disorders.

the pandemic has also worsened the mental health of many people. a poll from mental health research canada , their fourth this year, found self-reported feelings of depression and anxiety reached at all-time high in december.

cmha bc recognizes that sadness is normal. depression occurs when feelings of sadness, guilt, frustration, worthlessness and hopelesssness linger beyond two weeks and start to impact daily life. it can impact sleep, food habits, drive down interest in sex, and manifest in physical symptoms such as stomach aches and headaches, as well as fatigue.

meanwhile, anxiety goes beyond regular stress, lingering once a stressful situation ends. cmha bc writes “anxiety focuses on worries or fears about things that could threaten us, as well as anxiety about the anxiety itself.” it can be difficult to manage, happen unexpectedly, or be rooted in unrealistic fears.

the national alliance on mental illness, an american grassroots organization, suggests sharing your concerns and observations, focusing on the “i” instead of “you.” for example, you might say: “i’ve noticed that you haven’t been acting like yourself lately. is something going on?” the key is being non-judgmental.

the british mental health foundation  says that “mental health problems are so misunderstood that someone who acknowledges your problem, continues to accept you and treats you with compassion is doing something extremely important to aid your recovery.” being available to listen and not trying to minimize the issue is important. the person you’re concerned about is not necessarily asking for an arm-chair diagnosis. the foundation has a list of eight tips for discussing mental health, which includes keeping questions open-ended and offering help in finding professional support, as well as understanding your limits if the person is in crisis.

there are a number of resources available on care and communication. heretohelp , a project of  bc partners for mental health and substance use information, even has full workbooks available to help walk family members through planning and recovery.

as many, many people can attest, getting better is possible. encouraging others to seek help, charlie cummings shared his experience with depression and psychosis with camh.

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