toxic positivity: 'cheer up' and other wishes that make things worse

mental illness awareness week , which runs from october 4 to 10, feels extra important this year as people around the world grapple with the physical risks of the pandemic — and all the grief, anxiety, fear and uncertainty that comes with it.

not only are canadians experiencing the deaths and illnesses of loved ones, they’re also handling record job losses and struggling with the upheaval and isolation of lockdowns and new rules governing work, school and socializing. in april, mental health research canada and pollara strategic insights surveyed individuals across the country about how they were feeling. the proportion of canadians reporting high levels of anxiety increased from 5 per cent to 20 per cent. high levels of depression doubled, according to polling: the proportion rose from 4 per cent before covid-19 to 10 per cent. the charitable organization followed up in late august and found that, despite a loosening of restrictions, the rates of anxiety and depression didn’t ease up.

there’s a certain knee-jerk reaction that often comes with trying to console someone who is struggling — an urge to get them to focus the bright side, and remind them to count their blessings. it’s this relentless focus on getting happy that has given rise to the term “toxic positivity.” dr. jamie long, a clinical psychologist, and samara quintero, a marriage and family therapist, define it as “the excessive and ineffective overgeneralization of a happy, optimistic state across all situations. the process of toxic positivity results in the denial, minimization, and invalidation of the authentic human emotional experience.”

but how can a sunny outlook be bad? there’s no better summary than this headline about a psychological study published in 2017: feeling bad about feeling bad can make you feel worse . researchers at the university of california berkeley and the university of toronto studied the link between negative emotions and acceptance in 1,300 adults. their findings, published in the journal of personality and social psychology, is good news for people irked by pleas to put on a happy face, no matter what.

brett ford, an assistant professor of psychology at the university of toronto, explained to berkeley news, “people who accept these [negative] emotions without judging or trying to change them are able to cope with their stress more successfully.”

quintero and long list suggestions of what to say instead of the usual bromides about focusing on the silver lining. it can be as simple as changing, “it could be worse” to “that sucks. i’m so sorry you’re going through this.”

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toxic positivity: 'cheer up' and other wishes that make things worse

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