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digital danger: parents key to keeping kids safe on social media

can children use social media safely? experts say the ...

by brian macleod

sep 13 2024
read time 11 minute read
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can children use social media safely?
experts say the most important factor in youngsters’ safe social media use is parents.
“parents need to step up,” said joanna conrad, executive director of essex county youth diversion, which provides intervention services for young people.
“i know that there is a huge majority of parents that will not, or simply are not attuned enough, to the dangers of their kids on (social media).” 
the constant swiping that provides repeated levels of satisfaction — the dopamine hit, as conrad says — is changing the way young people think, she said. 

dopamine is known as the feel-good hormone. the human brain releases dopamine as part of a reward system that makes people feel good and want to seek more of that feeling. sex, shopping, and the smell of cookies baking in the oven are all known to trigger a dopamine rush.

parents must intervene to prevent that quest for a dopamine hit from controlling their children, said conrad, who also teaches the canadian justice system at st. clair college. especially in the colder months, kids don’t spend as much time outside, so they spend more time on their devices, she added.

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“it’s preventing kids from learning. it’s rewiring their brains. we’re making them chronically distracted.” 
nine ontario school boards have launched a $4-billion lawsuit alleging snapchat, tiktok and meta are effectively rewiring children’s brains, reducing their ability to concentrate and leaving teachers to deal with the issue.  
kara brisson-boivin, director of research for mediasmarts, which bills itself as canada’s media centre for digital literacy, says parents must communicate early and often with their children about social media. 
“have you had the talk with your kids yet?” she asked an audience while making a presentation about parents and social media at st. mark’s by the lake church in tecumseh earlier this year.  
“are you asking them what they’re doing on it? and hopefully what they’re not doing on the internet or on social networks?” 
‘parents need to step up.’ essex county youth diversion’s executive director joanna conrad, right, and youth justice case manager domonique lauzon are shown at the organization’s office in windsor on sept. 5, 2024.
‘parents need to step up.’ essex county youth diversion’s executive director joanna conrad, right, and youth justice case manager domonique lauzon are shown at the organization’s office in windsor on sept. 5, 2024. dan janisse / windsor star

parents often avoid these kinds of talks, brisson-boivin said.  “it’s a difficult one to have and in many cases a lot of the parents we talked to would rather talk to the kids about anything else.” 

parents often worry they don’t know enough about technology to discuss safety in social media with their children, wondering how they’re supposed to chat with a child “who can talk circles around me (about social media),” she said. 

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but children in focus groups say they want that conversation, brisson-boivin said. “they’ll always say, ‘yes, i want to be able to talk to my parents or my caregiver about the challenges that i’m facing.’” 
and when the chat does happen, parents need to keep in mind that social media is important to their children because it’s “a facilitator for their social lives,” she said. 
“young people are so keen to try new platforms to get ahead of their parents. they want to be in spaces and places where they can be … just with their friends.” 
still, parents should be wary, she warns.  
“having a really strong control and surveillance approach to … how they use technology can have a backfire effect. our research shows that it actually makes them less likely to come to you for support if they think it’s just constant control or the technology is going to be taken away.” 
indeed, the u.s. firm bark technologies, which markets a cellphone and software that allows parents to monitor their children’s activities, including their messages, has sparked a backlash, with some children saying they wouldn’t want such a phone and some experts saying that kind of oversight could affect parents relationships with their children.

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brisson-boivin cites four keys to help parents steer their children through the social media minefield:

• c heck the age requirements of the sites. most social networks require parental consent for children under 13. age setting is important because privacy settings and content are synchronized to the user’s age. once a user turns 16, the default privacy settings often change. if a 10-year-old signs up claiming to be 13, in three years, that 13-year-old will have privacy settings of someone who is 16, when strangers can send them direct messages and the type of content they see can be more adult-oriented. 

• when signing kids up to social media networks, provide the minimum information necessary. companies want as much information about users as possible to build a profile.
“they’ll tell you your profile isn’t complete … just fill in the bare minimum amount of information that they would need to get on that account,” brisson-boivin said. 
some people prefer to use pseudonyms, but that doesn’t necessarily work to the child’s advantage, she said. “there isn’t any sort of concrete evidence that one is safer than the other. in some cases, it can be better for a child to have their real name so it’s easier for … other children to recognize them.” 

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social networks are, after all, about connections and community. 

• pick a good password. never use identifying information, for example part of your name. never share passwords outside of the family.  older children will share passwords while they’re in relationships, but once the relationship ends, change the password. 

• children should always log off computers when they’re finished using them. children will often use public computers, perhaps in a library, and they will sometimes forget to log out, leaving their accounts available to the next person. 
and then there’s the dreaded terms-of-service agreements. they tend to be many pages long, and written in legalese, so most people skip them. but parents should try to familiarize themselves with what the terms of service means.  

placing a checkmark beside the phrase, ‘i have read and agree to the terms of service’ is the “biggest lie on the web,” brisson-boivin said. “by joining a social network you’re usually granting the site — and sometimes third parties — a licence to use anything you post.

“this licence may not end or stop when you’ve stopped using the service, so it’s important to understand that once something is posted you’ve lost some control over it and sometimes you’ve lost all control over it.” 

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children often don’t understand how privacy works on social media, said brisson-boivin: “kids will say, ‘if a company is going to use my photo, they should ask me.’” 
but the terms of service may well permit them to use their content. 
“once an account is set up … go through the privacy settings with the child. don’t just talk about the settings, talk about the potential real-life outcomes of them posting content online. 
“it’s shocking to them when we explain how privacy actually works,” she said. “i’ve had a lot of young people say (when a social media company uses their photos), “that’s stealing.” 
most common platforms let users set their accounts to private or protected, which means only approved people can see posts. 
but sometimes friends will post photographs of children that they don’t like. the best approach is to ask the person to take it down, rather than report immediately, unless the photo is being used to bully or harass a child, said brisson-boivin. de-escalating the situation by approaching them privately with a message — rather than in a public post — is often the most effective approach, she said. 
when it comes to sexually explicit content, more people have received it than have sent it, but it’s important for children to know that passing along that content — even if it’s forwarded by someone else — can cause real harm and comes with risks, she said. 
some social media use can result in cyberbullying and harassment for children. experts urge parents to communicate with their children about social media risks.
some social media use can result in cyberbullying and harassment for children. experts urge parents to communicate with their children about social media risks. sb arts media / getty images/istockphoto

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canada’s bill c-63, the online harms act, introduced in february, deals with non-consensual content, but it remains to be seen how effective it will be, especially with regard to sexting — those who send sexually suggestive or explicit photographs, she said. 
studies show that boys and girls are equally likely to send sexts. (mediasmarts has a section on its website devoted to helping parents deal with sexting.) 
parents should also talk to their children about the ramifications of their life-long digital footprint, she said, noting a lot of employers check job applicants’ online activities. 
“we’ve been doing work with young adults … they’ve been looking back and thinking … i wish someone could have told me when i was younger to think about this,” she said. 
and try to encourage children to take breaks from social media.
“a lot of kids can find it really hard to pull themselves away from devices due to what’s called fomo — ‘fear of missing out.’
“encourage your kids to take breaks from constantly checking their device,” said brisson-boivin. “have a curfew in place, maybe one hour before bedtime.”
bamacleod@postmedia.com 
mediasmarts will hold a session on safe and healthy uses of social media for families on jan. 22, 2025 at st. mark’s by the lake parish in tecumseh. the session is open to the public.

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the ‘most dangerous’ social media apps for kids — u.s. firm:

tiktok, instagram, snapchat — some social media apps among the most popular on the internet are also the “most dangerous” for children, parents are being warned.
bark technologies, an american firm known for producing a cellphone for kids with specialized parental controls — currently only available in the u.s. — as well as a social media monitoring app that can be installed on phones (available in canada), has named its “most dangerous” apps for children.
they include:
snapchat
posts disappear after 24 hours, but kids can be lured into a false sense of security because users make screen captures or download videos. it also has a gps feature called snap maps, which lets viewers know where the user is located, unless preferences are set appropriately.
keep in mind that any app that has messaging makes children vulnerable to strangers communicating with them.
bark says there has been an increase in drug dealers using snapchat.
early this year, a judge in los angeles approved a lawsuit against snap inc., owners of snapchat, launched by more than 60 parents who say their children died from fentanyl overdoses from drugs their children acquired from dealers on the app.

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the lawsuit alleges that snapchat has “caused thousands of american teens to die from fentanyl overdoses” and that “snapchat is the go-to means to distribute drugs to children, teens, and young adults through social media and is involved in a far greater number of fentanyl poisoning deaths of u.s. teens than other social media apps.”
2. instagram 
has a “vanish mode” that allows users to send messages, photos, videos that automatically disappear from a chat once the recipient has viewed them and leaves the chat. but those messages can be copied before they disappear.
contains a large amount of inappropriate content, including sexual images and videos, and brutal violence.
3. discord 
chat app, mostly used for discussions on gaming. has chatrooms, direct messaging, voice chat, and video calls.
rampant inappropriate content, according to bark.
users choose servers — similar to chat rooms — that can expose them to “sketchy” adults.
bark says discord is “consistently in the top five platforms” for bullying, suicidal ideation and body image issues.
 4. yik yak 
proximity app launched in 2013 and relaunched in 2021. features anonymous chatting. lets users within an eight-kilometre radius create and view chat threads.

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has no user names, no handles, no real names, and no photos, which means online etiquette is often breached.
rumours can spread quickly, which makes it a breeding ground for bullying, especially when it becomes popular at schools.
bark calls yik yak “one of the most dangerous messaging apps for kids of the past decade.”
5. tiktok 
most popular app in the world among young people, other than youtube.
large amount of inappropriate content and proliferation of viral trends that could put kids in physical danger, according to bark.
the blackout challenge, for example, encourages people to choke themselves or hyperventilate until they pass out, then film themselves regaining consciousness. that hashtag has been removed, but parents of two girls, age eight and nine, are suing tiktok, claiming the app’s “for you” algorithm provided dangerous content to their children, leading to their deaths.
 6. twitter 
“a go-to source for porn,” says bark. can be used anonymously with a browser without an account, making it hard for parents to track on children’s devices.
7. hoop 
bark calls this “tinder meets snapchat.” children swipe through profiles of strangers and start conversations.
8. kik 

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instant messaging app. large amount of sexual content. potential for stalking, according to bark.
9. vault apps 
software hides content on smartphones, including photos, videos, messages, contacts, call logs, and apps.
10. roblox 
open worldwide video game software that hosts millions of games created by users. popular with younger children. can expose children to inappropriate content; messaging feature can expose them to dangerous situations.
 
there are places to go for help for those experiencing harm on social media apps — both for children and their parents.
there are places to go for help for those experiencing harm on social media apps — both for children and their parents. getty images / getty images

some useful online sites on social media for parents:

• introduction to instagram
https://shorturl.at/gacjm
• snapchat safety centre
https://values.snap.com/safety/safety-center
• ultimate guide on how to manage social media privacy settings
https://shorturl.at/t03tr
• tiktok safety centre
https://www.tiktok.com/safety/en
• youtube safety
https://shorturl.at/yuxyl
• plain language guide to terms of service
https://tosdr.org/
• parental control to monitors social media accounts (subscription based)
https://www.bark.us/how/
• make a “tech contract” with your children.
https://www.bark.us/blog/tech-accountability-create-technology-contract-family/
• information for parents on social media, phones and screen time monitoring (with discussion guides)

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https://parents.thorn.org/
• cybertip.ca information on sextortion
https://cybertip.ca/en/
• canadian centre for child protection
https://protectchildren.ca/en/
• apple parent controls
https://support.apple.com/en-ca/105121
• understanding ai and helping youth make the most of it — media smarts
https://shorturl.at/ruruq
• help to check out if information is true
https://mediasmarts.ca/teacher-resources/break-fake-how-tell-whats-true-online
• ai safe practices for kids
https://rb.gy/469mne
 

the windsor star’s digital danger series:

digital danger: in a week-long investigative series, the windsor star looked at social media and young people — how they are being affected and how dangerous the content can be. reporter brian macleod’s six-part series concluded with suggestions for parents to become a key part in making social media safer for their children.
part 1: what parents need to know about the risks of social media
part 2: a story of trust and betrayal on social media
part 3: social media triggering fights, robbing children of opportunities: teacher
part 4: the life of a teen on social media is chasing likes; how ai is changing social media landscape

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part 5: young people drawn to social media by need for approval
today: 1. parents key to keeping kids safe on social media. 2. the most ‘dangerous’ apps. 3. where to get help.
 
brian macleod
brian macleod

ian macleod is a reporter at the windsor star. he has worked at eight newspapers, holding managing editor positions at four. his journalism career has taken him all over ontario and to saskatoon, where he was editor of canada’s leading agricultural publication. he is an award-winning editorial writer. he also wrote an ontario provincial affairs column for four years for sun media, which appeared in 22 daily community newspapers. he lives in essex county, and is enjoying covering all aspects of life in windsor-essex.

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