advice: 'i can't stop cheating on my husband'

“a person who wants to stop cheating needs to be honest with themselves and have people in their lives who can be honest with them,” says nat roman registered psychotherapist at couple therapy toronto . “they may need to go through periods of loneliness and loss to recognize that their choices have been shallow and selfish. they may also need help from a therapist to do some healing work around early life relational trauma and fears of abandonment before they are capable of remaining in a respectful, committed relationship.”

in general, men are more likely than women to cheat. in a recent study, 20 per cent of men and 13 per cent of women reported that they’ve had sex with someone other than their spouse while married. narcissism, convenience, lack of emotional connection with their primary partner, decreased sexual desire, abandonment issues and fears of intimacy are just some of the reasons for the indiscretions.

but the gender infidelity gap is not as wide as we think, and both men and women outsource their desires for similar reasons. esther perel , a belgian psychotherapist, author and international expert on sex and relationships, suggests that affairs have nothing to do with your partner and everything to do with your desire to transform your life. if she is right, an affair can be a catalyst for change — a way to reimagine your marriage and reinvent yourself.

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