advice: my girlfriend has stopped showering
we are all guilty of slowing down on showers while isolating — but what happens when your partner barely bathes?
jun 19 2020
3 minute read
not showering can be deal-breaker in relationships. stock/getty
dear asking for a friend:
i have been living with my girlfriend for almost five years and it’s been great. we have been enjoying the quarantine here in saskatchewan, catching up on movies and basically spending some quality time together. but it’s been bothering me that she only has a shower a few times a week. it’s not that she smells, really, it’s just that it’s kind of gross. i mean, shouldn’t everyone have at least one shower per day? she says that it’s like how you should only wash your hair every second day at the most, that showering often is bad for your skin. she also says that not washing often helps develop your immune system. can you share your advice so we can finally put this debate out to dry?
signed, need-more-showers
dear need-more-showers,
when you’re in a relationship and intimate with someone, personal hygiene should be non-negotiable. for most people, this includes daily showers, brushed teeth and clean clothes. now that you’re both cooped up at home, your girlfriend might think it’s okay to scale back her shower routine — in fact, many of us could probably say that we’ve skipped a bath once or twice since quarantine — but basic upkeep requires minimal effort, and is actually important on many levels, not the least of which is mental health.
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the other side of it is that skipping daily showers is, well, dirty. lack of washing can cause dirt, oil, dead skin cells and sweat to accumulate on the body, which can aggravate existing skin conditions and trigger new outbreaks on the face, back and yes, even ‘down there.’ when it comes to personal hygiene, there’s a lot of conflicting advice out there on how much is too much, but according to experts, when done right, daily showers can benefit all skin types.
“showers, if not done properly can cause skin to become dry, itchy or irritated,” says dr. susan poelman, dermatologist, co-director of beacon dermatology in calgary and member of the canadian dermatology association . “using harsh, fragranced soaps strips the skin of the natural lipids meant to protect it from getting dried out. if you limit the time in the shower to five to ten minutes and use warm (not hot) water and a gentle soap to cleanse just the armpits, groin, and feet and moisturize immediately after, showers can actually hydrate the skin.”
and while there’s a plenty of research that suggests exposure to dirt and germs can help build a stronger immune system in children, most adults often turn to a balanced diet (especially one that includes super foods like kale and ginger), proper sleep and plenty of exercise to help improve their health. according to experts, daily showers don’t help or hinder your immune system, but serve a different purpose instead –— to clean your skin, help you wake up first thing in the morning or unwind at the end of a long day.
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“showers can indirectly affect the body’s immune system by reducing exposure to dirt and other environmental pathogens,” says dr. poelman. “however, there is no scientific evidence to suggest that [washing] directly impacts the immune system.”
when it comes to cleanliness, things can get a bit awkward if you’re in a relationship as differences in hygiene can be deal breakers for some couples. talk it out with your girlfriend, focus on the facts and science, and tell her that basic upkeep and daily showers are important to you. sexy time in the bath can be good for your intimate relationship too, so offer to take showers together if you think it’ll jumpstart the daily routine for your partner. if she refuses to budge, you might have to live with it, especially if she checks all your other boxes. or, you might want to rethink your relationship if there’s a pattern of dismissing your needs and what’s important to you.
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