q&a: a pumpkin’s real-life journey to jack-o-lanternhood
the gazette sat down in one of montreal’s public markets for an exclusive chat with pumpkin and music aficionado gourd.
3 minute read
the destinies of pumpkins are unique, as some will become muffins, purées, pies or cookies while others will rise to the highest rank, like these guys on elm ave. in westmount, the jack-o-lantern.
dave sidaway
/
montreal gazette
for now, this pumpkin remains with his peers, but he hopes to soon find his forever family. or at least his weeklong family. the gazette found him a week before halloween in a wooden box surrounded by pumpkins that look a lot like him, yet every pumpkin’s creases and bumps are unique. like us, they come in all sizes. their destinies are equally unique, as some will become muffins, purées, pies or cookies while others will rise to the highest rank: the jack-o-lantern.
harvested recently from a farm in the eastern townships, he’s larger than the other pumpkins, with a jaunty stem and shallow grooves on his shell. while the shades of most of the others put one in mind of traffic cones, he’s more of a carrot orange.
this particular pumpkin stood out because he was singing softly to his neighbours in the wooden box: “i heard there was a secret gourd / that david carved / and it pleased the lord …”
gazette: can i call you jack?
pumpkin: i guess, but my name is gourd.
all of you look very cosy in this box.
it’s not so bad until the teasing gets out of hand. i’m a little bigger than the others, you might have noticed. sometimes i get roasted. they call me plumpkin.
at least you’re singing through it. what are your favourite bands?
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obviously hallowlujah is my favourite song, but i like a little of everything. the pumpkin spice girls, anything by gourd downey, squashgarden, nick cave and the pumpkin seeds. give ’em pumpkin to talk about by bonnie raitt is my jam. you can keep the smashing pumpkins, though.
what are your hopes for the future? pie or jack-o-lantern?
that’s a decision my new family will have to make. but why not both? and more. my flesh can be scooped out and the pulp puréed. my seeds can be roasted with a little salt for snacks. then i can be carved to fulfill my destiny as montreal’s best jack-o-lantern and hang out on the porch while all the kids come for free candy.
are you worried the carving will hurt?
i’ve got a thick skin, although i’m a softie on the inside.
candles or tea lights?
tea lights, please. i get enough sick burns from the other pumpkins in this box.
how do you feel about inflatable displays?
wow, body-shaming jokes from you, too?
um, that wasn’t my intention, let’s go in a different direction. what are your nov. 1 plans?
hopefully, my family won’t leave me on the porch for too long after the big day. and they shouldn’t think it’s a good idea to leave me out for the wildlife because i’m not a natural food source for many of them. also, montrealers don’t need more skunks and raccoons coming into their yards. the city has a pretty good composting program, which means i can eventually return to the earth and help the next generation of pumpkins grow.
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and then, y’know, i’ll have to make way for christmas decorations, which have already been yelling for attention for weeks. they’re so needy, they never want to give halloween its space. you’re not interviewing any ornaments, are you?
the bauble lobby has been calling me since sept. 1. but probably not. thanks for your time, gourd.
making jokes about a person’s body or anything else is never funny. if someone in your family is being bullied, the government of quebec has compiled resources to get help: bit.ly/3ukiwah.
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