mental illness is devastating. i think most people understand that. however, there’s a conundrum here: what if someone needs help but doesn’t think that they do? what if they’re not even aware that they’re in trouble?
on the night of may 2, 2022, i had a visit from two officers from the ottawa police service. they came to tell me that my oldest and dearest friend, david thomas foohey, had been found dead in his home. he had been dead for quite some time, about three months. i still don’t know the cause of death but, given that the police do not suspect foul play, it will likely be declared some form of “natural cause.” that is very hard to write.
dave and i first met when i was eight years old and we developed a friendship that survived our childhoods and deepened as we both grew into adults. his friendship meant the world to me; i was a lonely, isolated and shy kid. dave was also shy and we bonded over so many different things: comic books, role-playing games, and pro wrestling in particular, but also pop culture and, as we grew older, life in general.
dave’s shyness was not unwarranted. his parents had him quite late in life. his dad was about 50 years old when dave was born. dave’s dad, david edmund foohey, and his mom, mary-anne coughlan, eventually had marital problems and their marriage broke up. both of his parents were also legally blind; dave’s dad had been blind since birth and his mom lost her vision when she was 11.
dave’s mom
died in 2004
. then, in 2008,
his dad died
. given his dad’s age, this death really wasn’t a surprise but, while dave seemed “ok” after his mom’s death, i don’t think he was at all prepared for the death of his dad. while dave was clearly hurt, he could not easily talk about that hurt.