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home / 世界杯决赛2022

opinion: the lonely last moments of patient a-12, my dad

what happens when, faced with a dying loved one in hospital, you cannot count on a staff member for help, or even for comfort?

by jean bottari

jul 20 2022
read time 3 minute read
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"we spoke with a doctor, the head nurse and another nurse outside my dad's room," jean bottari writes. "we told the three of them my father had died. none bothered to enter the room to verify." marie-france coallier / montreal gazette
“a-12 is dead.”
i imagine this is what the nurse i spoke to said when entering the nurses’ station after i told her that my dad had passed.
on july 12 my father — nello bottari — was transported to a montreal hospital due to pulmonary complications after he tested positive for covid-19. the paramedics were instructed to transfer him from their stretcher to the one in cubicle a-12, an enclosed space reserved for covid-infected patients. he was then treated for pneumonia and was given oxygen.
my daughter cassandra and i took turns staying by his side.
on july 14, i arrived at 12:15 p.m. to take over from my daughter so i could spend the afternoon with my dad. but i was looking at a very different man. it was obvious he had difficulty breathing. his breaths were further and further apart. and why had his oxygen supply been removed?
my daughter and i each took one of my dad’s hands. he was gasping for air. we activated the call button, hoping for the reassuring presence of a nurse or other member of the medical staff. my dad’s eyes then turned to the sky. he took one last breath, closed his eyes and left us forever. these last moments were the longest in my life.
the call bell kept ringing for 15 minutes. no one showed up. my daughter then deactivated it.
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about 45 minutes later, i saw a nurse rushing by. i stopped her and politely informed her that my dad had passed away. after telling me how sorry she was, she continued walking her way.
we later spoke with a doctor, the head nurse and another nurse outside my dad’s room. we told the three of them my father had died. none bothered to enter the room to verify.
close to three hours later, cassandra left. i stayed a few more minutes with my dad. on my way out i stopped at the nurses’ station to inform them about our departure. all i got was a “thank you, sir.”
my daughter and i are grateful to have had the privilege to be with the man we both love through his last minutes on earth. the situation left us wondering whether any other patients and family members have had or will have to witness such apparent indifference by medical personnel. my dad was 98. is that why nobody judged it appropriate to be by our side? is that why no one bothered to verify his death?
having worked in health care for more than 30 years, i knew what was coming for my dad. but what happens when a person, not recognizing the symptoms and what will follow for their loved one, can’t count on a staff member to assist them, or at the very least to comfort them?
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i do not blame the staff. that is why i have chosen not to name the hospital here. i believe, given the current state of our health care system, this kind of unfortunate situation can happen in any establishment.
in my view, the system is to blame for overworking their medical staff, which can lead to a lack of empathy toward patients and family members. for this, i blame the government. the understaffing problem needs to be fixed. anyone going through such a traumatic experience would certainly appreciate having a presence — a compassionate human — to ease the pain of losing a loved one.
is that too much to ask?
jean bottari has worked as an orderly in a physical rehabilitation centre for over 30 years. he has also been an activist demanding better living conditions for elders housed in chslds and private residences for seniors. he lives in rawdon.

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