#askalyson: cutting is a child's way of coping

non-suicidal self-injury (nssi) is defined as purposely hurting one’s self, but the goal is not to end one’s life. it can take the form of cutting or burning, hitting solid objects like punching a wall which can damage the hand, or scratching the skin to the point of bleeding and scarring.

psychological pain . they are in such psychological pain with their depression that they have numbed themselves to ease the pain, but inflicting physical pain makes them come out of their robot-numb state and feel alive again. when you cut, the nerve endings send emergency signals to the brain which in response releases beta-endorphins which makes you feel better temporarily.

feeling out of control . they may be dissociating and having “out of this world” feelings that are scary. it’s a feeling of having no control of their experience. cutting solves that by bringing the feelings back to the body in the form of pain, but there’s also a sense of regaining control.

low self-esteem . children may have negative feelings about themselves, and take their anger out by hurting themselves as a form of retribution.

communicating despair . kids may also use self-harm as a way of communicating to others non-verbally the depths of their despair which may not have been heard or taken seriously before.

what not to say when your child is self-harming

alternatives to self-harm

it’s helpful to share some options to self-harm, such as pressing an ice cube onto their wrist which can help activate the same beta-endorphins as cutting without hurting the skin. breathing practices that are a part of a fuller mindfulness meditation practice are beneficial too. i personally recommend jeff warren’s daily 10 minute guided meditation on the calm app — he is very funny and relatable to teens. a habit-tracking app also helps some kids. i have had teens proudly report, “87 days since the last time i cut!”