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#askalyson: should i let my 12-year-old taste my beer?
parenting expert alyson schafer on what to tell your kids about alcohol.
aug 21 2020
2 minute read
every kid is going to find some way to sneak a sip of alcohol and discover it tastes gross without your help. do you give them a sip at home?
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in a monthly advice column for healthing.ca, toronto-based parenting expert alyson schafer answers your most pressing questions.
dear alyson,
my 12-year-old is constantly asking to take a sip of my wine or beer. i am torn between letting him. after all, he will probably find it terrible and hopefully be dissuaded from drinking in the future — or am i fooling myself? i also feel that by withholding it, it may increase his interest in alcohol.
signed, can’t decide
dear can’t decide,
i am so glad you asked me this question. you, and many other parents, often wonder how to approach the curiosity their children have about alcohol. after all, kids and teens see alcohol everywhere: tv, movies, social media, and in their own family. messages from the media, as well as the behaviours we model, shape our children’s relationship with alcohol as they grow up.
from the earliest of age, we should be consistent in our messaging: alcohol is illegal for minors, and for an important reason. children’s brains are not the same as adults. during childhood, the brain is growing rapidly and during adolescence it enters into a particularly critical and vulnerable time of re-wiring. alcohol interferes with that healthy process.
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it’s also a time when the part of the brain responsible for decision-making and problem-solving has not yet matured, but other parts of the brain are primed for thrill-seeking and risk-taking behaviours. that is a bad combination. and when you add alcohol, the negative consequences can be lasting and tragic.
bottom line? there are just too many negative health consequences when tweens and teens consume alcohol, so it’s not allowed. not by the law and not by you. period. not even a sip.
now i can hear you saying, “really, alyson? not even one sip to show them it taste gross? surely, that won’t hurt them physically.”
when parents set clear and concise boundaries, we are more likely to constrain behaviour. if you consistently tell your children that “alcohol is not for minors,” every time your child or teen tests your limits, the stronger your boundary is set. this gives your teen a clear understanding of your firm stance on this health behaviour.
compare this to other values that you stand behind. do you sometimes let your teen tell an inappropriate joke or cheat on a test? no, of course not. when something is wrong and against your values you are consistent in enforcing it.
and, don’t worry. every kid is going to find some way to sneak a sip of alcohol and discover it tastes gross without your help. let them do it behind your back and without your blessings, it will be twice as sour: it tastes bad and they went against their parents.
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if you have a strong and healthy relationship with your child, this will feel very uncomfortable to them. a good relationship is one of the most important parenting tools in the teenage years. research shows that the number one reason teens say no to alcohol is because they don’t want to disappoint their parents. you’ve got this, parents.
alyson schafer is one of canada’s leading parenting experts. she can be reached at hello@alysonschafer.com or on twitter @alysonschafer.
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