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home / 世界杯决赛2022

after battles with depression and concussions, cendrine browne savours olympic life

"i had to be really positive and trust the process and keep believing in my dream to go to the olympics again"

by kevin mitchell

feb 3 2022
read time 3 minute read
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beijing — cendrine browne is living in the mountains near beijing for the next little bit, surrounded by teammates and olympic rings, and she thinks it’s a very good place to be.
it’s never been a given or a sure thing. the canadian cross-county skier and two-time olympian lost the joy of the sport for a while during a bout with depression; suffered three concussions; got back in time for a pandemic to sweep the globe.
but she’s spent this week, skis in snow, breathing in the rare olympic air, and savouring her favourite thing about the sport: the glide.
“i feel like i’m flying when i ski fast,” browne — from barrie, ont. — said this week. “that feeling i get when i’m flying on the snow, using all the power my muscles have to make me go fast …”
those muscles found themselves at odds with browne’s psychological state after she returned home from the 2018 pyeongchang olympics, where she skied in five events.
browne fell into a depression that left her feeling isolated, and she no longer enjoyed the sport. she was a freshly-minted olympian, a long-time dream realized, but her passion dissipated and she knew she needed help.
“my body wasn’t working like i wanted it to, because my head wasn’t in the game,” she says. “i felt depressed. lonely. my federation didn’t really help through that time, unfortunately, but i think now they have some measures for mental-health issues. i’m really glad i talked about it, because now things have changed.
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“i did get support from my sports side, from my team, and that really helped me.”
she also consulted a psychologist — a proactive approach she recommends to anybody else working through what she did.
“sometimes you don’t have the resources in you,” browne says. “you feel alone and isolated. but you aren’t, actually. there’s a lot of help. you can reach out to a lot of people. this is really important: when you start to realize that something is wrong, you need to go and get help right away, before it gets worse. the thing with depression is, you need some tools. there’s some professionals out there who can give you the tools you need to get better.”
she says the process, from beginning to end, took “four or five months.
“and when i was finally okay, and performing again,” she adds, “i fell roller-skiing and got a really big concussion.”
the injury forced her to stop training for 2 1/2 months. then, she got another concussion. and then a third.
she got her health fully restored in 2020, and soon after that, the pandemic arrived. but she skied through it, olympics in her sights.
“i had to be really positive and trust the process and keep believing in my dream to go to the olympics again,” she says. “i’m really proud i’m here today.”
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browne is one of just two people on canada’s nine-athlete cross-country ski team with previous olympic experience. the other is dahria beatty. the overhauled squad, which includes five women and four men, begins competition on saturday.
browne’s presence at these games adds to the sartorial collection she keeps in her closet at home. she’d always wanted a yellow jacket, reserved for canadian cross-country skiers who get to the world championship. she now has a growing assortment. mixing in with the yellows are those red olympic jackets from 2018 and — once she returns from beijing — 2022.
each, she says, carries a story all its own. when she looks at the jacket, the story tells itself.
“these jackets are the best memories you could ask for,” browne says. “it means hours and hours of training. it means dedication. passion. it means lots of fun, as well. and it means i’ve achieved so much during my career, and i’m really proud of myself for doing so.”
kemitchell@postmedia.com
twitter.com/kmitchsp

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