#askalyson: am i a liar if i don't come clean about santa?

if you are feeling uncomfortable about lying to keep the holiday magic alive, don't worry. parenting expert alyson schafer says it's unlikely your child is going to harbour resentment over not being told the truth about saint nick.

by alyson schafer

published dec 06, 2022

2 minute read

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2 minute read

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the average age kids stop believing in santa is around eight years old

there are years that children have a very good hunch that santa is not real but they don’t want to lose the magic. getty

my 7 year old son is starting to question if santa is real. how do we handle this question sensitively? i want to keep his innocence, but i also don’t want him to think i am a liar. at some point all children will question if santa claus is real. as they grow up, they become more sophisticated thinkers. some common things that tip them off:

gifts. they recognize your handwriting on the gift tags or that the wrapping paper is the same. or, they actually find one of their “santa” gifts in your closet.

meeting santa. they start to realize the beard looks unrealistic, or that santa doesn’t look the same when they see him at the mall, the school assembly, and the holiday party hosted by their parents’ workplace.

media. they google him.

friends and older siblings. kids don’t want to look like “babies,” so the minute they know the truth, they often want to prove their maturity by announcing that he’s not real.

your son is the age that skeptical thinking begins. in fact, the average age of knowing the full santa story is eight years old. remember, that’s the average — some kids never believed in santa in the first place, and many kids believe until they are 10 years old.

there are also those years our children have a very good hunch that santa is not real but they don’t want to lose the magic or the potential of extra gifts that the bearded jolly old soul brings them, so they say they believe, but who really knows.

when my children asked me about santa, i answered that i believe santa is real. we watch miracle on 34^th street every year to provide my proof of the truth. santa or kris kringle is the miracle of christmas and i see miracles everywhere when i look for them. the christmas food banks, the neighbour who shovels the elderly lady’s driveway, the special love we feel when we are together as a family christmas morning. that’s my santa. so when i say “i believe,” i am being truthful, it’s just a matter of definition.

of course, it’s common for parents to worry about their child being upset that you’ve lied to them. that’s why i suggest you don’t go hog wild in proving his existence or giving lame answers to their probing questions. keep it really simple and top level. for example, if they ask “why is santa’s handwriting the same as yours?” you can say, “i noticed that too. what a coincidence.” you don’t need to weave a further yarn explaining how you taught santa calligraphy during your co-op placement in university.

while we can never fully know how a child will interpret the events of their life, the cultural icons of tooth fairy, easter bunny and santa from the christian traditions are so well known, it’s unlikely that a child will hold long-standing resentments for keeping these traditions alive when they have perspective.