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five ways to feel safe in a world that isn't
first, know that you're having a normal reaction to abnormal events
jan 14 2020
3 minute read
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it’s not too hard to feel overwhelmed these days. just take a look at the news: australia is still burning and a jetliner with 176 souls aboard was shot down—a loss of life still too massive to comprehend.
if you’re feeling traumatized, you’re not alone. anna marie batelaan, a social worker at the brain injury rehabilitation program at holland bloorview kids rehabilitation hospital, says the overwhelming feeling can move into post-traumatic stress disorder symptomology. having worked with people who have experienced traumatic events, we asked her to share her best strategies on how to feel safe in a world full of uncertainty and instability.
1. acknowledge that this isn’t normal
the situation that is stressing you isn’t normal, the reaction you are having is. you may feel like there is something wrong with you, and this is a common reaction. “acknowledge that what you’re doing is responding normally to an abnormal experience, it’s not you’re fault. what you’re experiencing is real and hurtful,” says batelaan.
she describes our ability to cope with stress and triggers as a ‘window of tolerance’ — an area where we can function and receive and process information without difficulty. but when we’re outside of the window of tolerance, we enter a hyperaroused state where we feel overwhelmed, anxious, angry, and out of control. it can trigger a survival, flight, or freeze mode.
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2. get grounded
stressful and traumatic experiences shrink our window of tolerance. in order to feel calm again, batelaan suggests grounding strategies.
take deep breaths, extend your exhale so it’s longer than your inhale, she advises. grip your hands really tightly and release them. ground your feet and focus all the way to the floor, feeling your toes, your shoes, and sending all your attention down to your feet.
“call a friend you trust, take a walk, recognize that you’re having a real challenge,” she says. grounding yourself will help you widen your window of tolerance, which will help you handle stress and everyday failings in life.
3. bring mindfulness to the moment
bringing yourself back to the present can help you notice experiences directly around you, help you regulate yourself and others, and respond — rather than react — to experiences. being mindful can help you to be presently engaged in your everyday life, and realize when you’re not functioning well.
one way to bring your attention to the moment is feeling your way through your five senses. “notice five things. the trees outside the window, the noise in the room such as a the buzz of an air conditioner, notice the feeling of air on your skin, the taste in your mouth, the smell of anything going on,” says batelaan. “when you notice the five things, it helps bring you to that present moment and your window of tolerance, and it gets easier to get out of that overwhelmed state.”
4. take action
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taking direct action puts you in a position of power, which can help you feel able to actively cope with the trauma of feeling hopeless.
this could mean anything from music and art, to prayer and faith. batelaan also suggests taking up coping strategies that you did before. if you were a runner before, try running again. asking for help from a family member or a trauma-informed specialist can also help expand your window of tolerance.
5. be patient — recovery is not linear
you’ll feel better some days, but it won’t be easy every day. a holiday, birthday, or an anniversary could trigger sadness, for example.
“when you’re dealing with trauma, you can be okay for a while and feeling cheerful, then be a wave of anger the next moment,” says batelaan. “receive the recovery as a process, it will come in waves.”
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