mental health during divorce directly related to conflict

there ’ s no good way to get a divorce ,  but there are plenty of bad ones .   a nd the  nastier the split, the heavier the mental toll becomes , according to a new study .  

untying the knot is an excruciating mental health experience at the best of times. and although many studies have been done on the health impacts of divorce, because most countries require a period of separation before   granting a divorce — much of the true trauma   may have been  missed in earlier research .  a study  published monday in  frontiers in psychology   addresses  this by  analyzing  “ real-time ”  data from 1,856 very recent divorcees in denmark.  

“ previous studies have not investigated the effects of divorce without extensive separation periods occurring before the divorce, ”   said gert hald , a study author and associate professor at the university of copenhagen.  “ we were able to study divorcees who had been granted a so-called  ‘ immediate ’  divorce in denmark and on average, these divorcees obtained a divorce within five days of filing for it. ”    

the researchers found that the mental and physical health of these people was worse than the general population and that greater conflict within the relationship was an accurate predictor of  poorer mental health — regardless of other factors. 

“ across gender, higher levels of divorce conflict were found to predict worse mental health, even when accounting for other socio-demographic variables and divorce characteristics, ”  said  søren  sander, a co-author and visiting phd at the university of copenhagen.  

the findings illustrate the  importance   of  provid ing  better mental health support  to people  earlier in the process of conscious uncoupling.  “ we need evidence-based interventions that can help divorcees immediately following divorce, ”   hald  said.  “ these might include face-to-face or digital interventions that are designed to reduce the specific adverse mental and physical health effects of divorce.   

“ not only would this be beneficial for divorcees, but it could also save money by countering the negative impacts of divorce on work-place productivity, sick days, doctor visits and use of health care facilities. ”  

“typically, it’s natural for a lot of couples to have friends and to go out to socialize,”  edit farun, a divorce mediator, told cbc .  “and now with covid, the pandemic has created a lockdown for many families, so people are either not going to work outside of the home, or they’ve been working at home. they’re actually in each other’s spaces 24/7. so, it’s been that much more difficult and that much more complicated for families.”   

even as it tosses relationships into the pressure cooker, the pandemic has made it more difficult for people to  get a  divorce by forcing  many  family courts in canada to operate on an emergency basis, leaving a huge backlog of impending cases.  

“ you ’ re three or four months in pre-pandemic times, now you ’ re probably [waiting] eight months to a year or longer, ”   said ron shulman, a family lawyer .  “ as of right now i would say [the number of client filing for divorce is] about 40 per cent higher than we were before ( covid-19 ) , which is a significant increase. ”  

that means canada’s divorce rate,  believed to be in the ballpark of 45 per cent, is likely  on the rise . fortunately, courts are beginning to get with the times, with some finally going paperless and digital hearings reportedly on the way in ontario.  

all of this adds up to an overwhelming situation for many couples who may have been  at a  breaking point before the pandemic even began. 

“ there ’ s huge stress and stress is never good for any relationship, ”   said tammy laber , a psychotherapist who  counsels  couple s .  “ the time you are spending together, if you ’ re feeling anxious or you ’ re depressed, maybe you ’ re fighting more .  they have tons of time on their hands and in some cases that means they ’ re going to overthink.  one or both of them is going to think, is this really the person i want to spend the rest of my life with? ”  

dave  yasvinski  is a writer with  healthing.ca  

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