from grief to growth: a journey of healing

navigating my emotions after losing my daughter, maddie has been both challenging and enlightening in ways i never expected.

by chris coulter

published nov 19, 2024

4 minute read

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4 minute read

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grief, i’ve come to realize, is not just about loss. it’s about the deep bond we had, the love that remains, and how that connection continues to shape me daily. getty images

navigating my emotions after losing my daughter, maddie has been both challenging and enlightening in ways i never expected. the grief is still there, like a constant undercurrent, but over time, i’ve learned it’s not something you move past—it’s something you learn to carry. some days, the weight of her absence is overwhelming, and it feels like i’m back at square one, reliving the raw pain of her loss. but there are also moments, sometimes unexpectedly, where i find hope breaking through the clouds of sorrow. these moments aren’t big or dramatic, but they carry a quiet power that reminds me of the love maddie and i shared. it’s in the little things—seeing a picture of her smile, hearing a song she loved, or receiving a kind message from someone whose life she touched. in those moments, i feel connected to her in a way that transcends the pain. it’s as though her spirit is still here, whispering to me, reminding me that love never dies, even if the person is no longer physically present. these moments don’t erase the grief but offer a glimpse of light in the darkness.

grief, i’ve come to realize, is not just about loss. it’s about the deep bond we had, the love that remains, and how that connection continues to shape me daily. it’s about honouring her memory, not just through tears, but through finding purpose and meaning in the wake of tragedy. while the pain of losing maddie will always be part of me, i’ve also discovered a deeper capacity for love, empathy, and resilience. those moments of hope keep me going, reminding me that love is a force that endures even in the darkest times.

embracing community support

maddie’s passing on april 11, 2015, has set me on a transformative path. i recall a moment with my youngest son, who innocently remarked, “dad, i’ve seen you cry about 50 times in my life—once, two years ago, and about 49 times in the last month.” his observation reveals how deeply this experience has affected us all.

in the weeks following maddie’s memorial, i felt an unusual clarity and focus. it propelled me forward, making me more productive than ever. while i found joy in this newfound energy, i also recognized emotions’ natural ebb and flow. i’ve come to understand, the clarity came from the hidden anxiety i’d been dealing with had temporarily been lifted. that clarity was short-lived. it didn’t take long until my sudden acuity was replaced by the darkness of depression. i’m learning to embrace each day’s uncertainty, knowing that it’s part of this journey.

friends, family, and even strangers have shown incredible support. they often reach out to talk about maddie. ignoring her memory wouldn’t feel right. their willingness to engage in these conversations is a testament to our shared love for her. it’s heartwarming to see how we can support one another as we find our way through this grief.

my writing helps me to keep intact those memories, however cherished or painful they may be.

acts of kindness and connection

amidst our challenges, i’ve experienced remarkable kindness from those around me. from delivered meals to heartfelt notes, every act of compassion reminds me that we are not alone. it’s humbling to see the community come together in times of need. i sometimes wonder how i managed everything before. perhaps we rose to the occasion.

social media has also played a pivotal role in fostering connections. one of my posts gained unexpected traction, sparking vital discussions among parents, children, teachers, and friends. this dialogue is dismantling the stigma around mental illness and connecting me with a community of suicide survivors. while i never wished to join this group, i am grateful for the understanding and support we share.

honouring maddie’s legacy

i’ve seen incredible fundraising initiatives led by maddie’s friends and supporters. these efforts aim to raise awareness and accessibility around mental health. they honour maddie’s legacy and inspire hope for others facing similar struggles. creative charity events unite our community, demonstrating that we can turn grief into action.

an exciting project is underway to renovate a local facility dedicated to providing programs for families dealing with mental illness. this initiative aims to be a model for similar facilities across ontario and canada. it’s uplifting to see passionate individuals eager to make a difference. i wish maddie could see the impact she has inspired.

finding purpose in pain

while i know the pain of loss will never fade, i recognize that it has ignited a profound sense of passion and purpose within me. the love i carry for maddie fuels my determination to advocate for others. amidst the challenges, i find that the stars guiding us shine even brighter, illuminating a hopeful future for all.

chris coulter is an accomplished author, renowned for his book “wake up, you could lose your teen to suicide.” as a passionate advocate for mental health, he has delivered impactful keynote speeches at numerous conferences. motivated by personal tragedy, chris lost his daughter, maddie, to suicide in april 2015. he currently serves as an advisor and formerly the executive director of how are you feeling, a non-profit organization focused on social-emotional learning, helping children navigate and comprehend their emotions effectively.

this article was originally published in july 2015 and revised october 2024.

from grief to growth: a journey of healing

navigating my emotions after losing my daughter, maddie has been both challenging and enlightening in ways i never expected.

so grief, anger and empathy walk into a bar …