gratitude actually does make you happier

there are a lot of ways to practice gratitude, from writing in a journal to meditating on what you are thankful for, or even just calling someone to say thanks for their friendship.

by robin roberts

published oct 07, 2022

last updated mar 12, 2023

5 minute read

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5 minute read

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parents can instil gratitude in their kids just by being thankful

if feeling and expressing gratitude can make us happier and healthier, what’s the best way to experience it? getty

“gratitude can transform common days into thanksgiving, turn routine jobs into joy, and change ordinary opportunities into blessings.” this proverb, penned by american author william arthur ward, is pretty powerful, and it would likely have even greater meaning if more of us gave thanks more than once a year. in fact, according to scientists, if we made it a regular habit to be consciously grateful — to recognize what we’re most thankful for on a daily basis — we would not only be happier, but we could also make others happier.

this is your brain on gratitude

two indiana university professors of psychology, joshua brown and joel wong, conducted studies, later published in the university of california, berkeley’s, greater good magazine, that looked at the outcomes of three groups of participants. the first group wrote one letter of gratitude to another person each week for three weeks; the second wrote how they felt about negative experiences they’d had; and the third did not write anything.

the first group reported significantly better mental health for four to 12 weeks afterward. about three months later, the professors used an fmri scanner to measure the brain activity of the three groups while they completed a “pay it forward” task.

across all participants, they found that when people felt more grateful, their brain showed greater neural sensitivity in the medial prefrontal cortex, an area associated with learning and decision-making. the professors admit that, while inconclusive, the study suggests that practicing gratitude may help train the brain to be more sensitive to the experience and expression of gratitude, and could contribute to improved mental health.

two other psychologists, dr. robert emmons of the university of california, davis, and dr. michael mccullough of the university of miami, who have delved deeply into the science of gratitude, used a similar experiment in which one group wrote about things they were grateful for, another about daily irritations, and the third about events neither positive nor negative. after 10 weeks, those who wrote about gratitude were more optimistic and felt better about their lives.

other neuroscientists found that people who experience gratitude more often have more grey matter in an area of the right inferior temporal cortex which is responsible for learning and remembering non-verbal information. still other research has shown that expressing gratitude releases dopamine, which triggers positive emotions, and that writing about the positives in life releases serotonin, which enhances mood.

“this is something that we brought to the science table relatively recently, whereas before, it was more in the purview of religion and philosophy,” says dr. melanie badali, a registered psychologist at b.c.’s north shore stress & anxiety clinic and member of anxiety canada‘s board of directors who has written about gratitude. “the science part is systematically observing and experimenting. so when we talk about why gratitude might make you feel happier, we actually have data that [supports it].”

gratitude needs to be cultivated

badali says gratitude is usually defined as noticing, appreciating and expressing thanks for what we have, and not necessarily money or material possessions. while everyone would likely be thankful for winning the lottery, the vast majority of us will never experience that. but we will experience the colours of a sunset, the smell of a flower, and a stranger holding a door open for us — all things to be grateful for.

but gratitude doesn’t come easily for everyone and often needs to be cultivated. she cites the “find-remind-bind” function of gratitude proposed by psychologist sara algoe of the university of north carolina.

“the ‘find’ tunes people into the thoughtfulness of others; ‘remind’ calls to mind the goodness of their existing relationships; and the ‘bind’ joins people to partners and friends, making them feel appreciated and encouraging them to engage in behaviours that will keep these relationships,” badali says. “[it’s about] paying attention to what other people are doing for us, giving to us, especially if they are giving us something that is at a cost to themselves. and when we have the resources to then to do something for them, even if it’s not the same thing, we may be more likely to do it.”

girls and women more grateful than boys and men

several studies have shown that girls and women report feeling more grateful than boys and men, likely because boys and men sometimes associate gratitude with weakness or indebtedness. other studies have shown that people with certain traits, such as envy, narcissism and cynicism, have a harder time feeling grateful — and it extends to different cultures. research has shown that american men experienced gratitude less frequently than their german counterparts. in fact, one-third of american men preferred to hide their gratitude, while none of the german men did.

yet another study showed parents can instil gratitude in their children simply by acting as a thankful role model, but also by putting their kids in situations where they’re reminded to feel gratitude for what they have, such as volunteering for people in need.

badali says it’s not always necessary to direct your gratitude toward others. you can direct it inward, as in, “i’m grateful that i have the strength to endure this negative situation.” her only caveat is that feeling grateful for unfair or bad situations has the potential to reduce the likelihood that you’re going to try to correct those situations. “the soccer star abby wambach, for example, pointed out that the gratitude of women might be one factor contributing to the gender pay gap,” she says.

how to practice gratitude

so if feeling and expressing gratitude can make us happier and healthier, what’s the best way to experience it, not just one day a year, but every day?

badali agrees with the practice of writing down what you’re grateful for, a kind of count-your-blessings exercise, either in list form or longer, deeper expressions in a journal.

“every day for at least a week, write down three things that went well for you that day and provide an explanation for why they went well,” she says. “be as specific as possible. you’re basically shifting your attention away from the bad things to the good things, the gratitude.”

you can also write a thank-you letter or note, even if you don’t send it — research has shown just the practice of writing that message makes us feel better.

if you’d rather not write, you can practice gratitude contemplation, which is just thinking about what you’re most thankful for in a meditative way. making a phone call or paying someone a visit and slipping into the conversation how much you appreciate them is yet another gratitude strategy.

“not everything works for everyone,” says badali. “pick one that is appealing to you because if you’re more motivated to do it, it will work better. but writing about what you’re thankful for and being transparent helps you build that skill and that muscle of paying attention and focusing. it’s a relatively small investment in time that most people can do and has the potential to benefit various aspects of psychological and physical well-being. it’s well worth a try.”

robin roberts is a vancouver-based writer.

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robin roberts

gratitude actually does make you happier