“can we book a time to have dinner?” my friend leaned over to whisper, her hand squeezing mine. “like, now?”
i completely understood her rush — we had been talking about meeting up for months, and yet, the busyness of life had gotten in the way. the slouch in our friend’s shoulders as she accepted condolence after condolence was the nudge we needed to get on with it: life doesn’t last forever.
but there was something about how both living and dying gracefully intertwined and flowed through the room that day that got me thinking about the different ways we choose to honour someone’s life, and how the blow of devastating loss can sometimes somehow be eased by the very same rituals that feel so full of pain and sadness.
i also couldn’t help comparing the feeling of the breezy brewery with the grey soundlessness of a funeral home, where the darkness of it all — the black limousines in the parking lot, the black suits and skirts of the employees, even the black leather binding on the guest book — seem to push away thoughts of life, where your loss gets heaped on top of the losses of those before you, weighing heavy, not leaving much space to even think about healing. at least not in that moment.
last august, when covid restrictions eased enough to say an official goodbye to my brother who died a few months before, family and friends gathered in a cemetery just outside of toronto — a beautiful cemetery, absolutely, with flowers and fountains and sweet swans that floated in a pond nearby. and yet, despite the peace of having nature all around us, the calm wrestled with signs of loss — the many headstones, the fresh bouquets of flowers placed beside some and wilted remnants of roses near others, the man off in the distance on his knees crying beside a pile of freshly dug dirt — all of it was… a lot.