for ashley larabie, that disruption of treatment and other supports, coupled with the greater isolation she’s experienced during the pandemic, have been devastating. diagnosed at 14 with ptsd, depression and anxiety, the 26-year-old ottawa resident says that the “deep, dark hole” in which she sometimes finds herself has only been made deeper and darker by the pandemic, and far more difficult to escape.
“covid is very scary, and it’s a hard world to be in. the isolation part is the biggest piece. you get into a very dark, dark place, a place i can’t even describe. it can go on for days. time passes but i don’t realize it. what brings me out of it is when my family calls me and they say, ‘how are you doing? can we do anything to help?’ and they try to talk to me, and that does help, but it’s still not the same as seeing them.
“isolation is very hard,” she adds, “and when you’re in a dark room and thinking that you’re alone and no one cares about you and it’s the end of the world, and if you’re on the internet, everything is about covid. i can’t watch the news because it causes me more anxiety, because then i see the numbers rising and i think, ‘oh, my god, i’m never going to be able to get out of this.’”
larabie is also recovering from a narcotics addiction — mental-health and substance-use issues often go hand in hand — which only adds to her stress. in january, she moved out of edgewood care centre because of the anxiety its lockdowns caused her, and into her mother’s home. but whereas before the pandemic she would get out into the community a handful of times a week — to a pso support group, for example, or a visit with her 80-year-old grandmother, or simply going to a tim hortons with her sister — her outings these days have been reduced to a bi-weekly, anxiety-ridden trip to the grocery store. and even at that, she has sometimes returned home empty-handed, driven out of the store by fear and unease.