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how to check in on the mental health of our loved ones
here’s how you can start conversations about mental health with those around you.
oct 13 2023
3 minute read
according to a 2019 camh survey of working canadians, 3 out of 4 respondents said they would not feel comfortable disclosing a mental illness to an employer or coworker.
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a short video for world mental health day from the norwich city football club is making waves online this week. the video, entitled “check in on those around you”, illustrates the ways in which mental health struggles can be invisible.
the video starts with two football fans watching a match. one of them appears disengaged and doesn’t show much enthusiasm for the game. the other one is excited and engaged with the game. the viewer thinks the message is obvious until the very end, when the friend who appears to be doing better is implied to have died by suicide.
this short yet powerful message flips the script on mental health messaging, reminding us not only to check on those who seem down, but also on those who seem to be doing fine. but how, specifically, can we check in on our loved ones?
recognizing the signs of mental health struggles
sometimes there are signs that a person is not doing well mentally. some of these are more obvious, while others may be subtle.
however, it is crucial to note that sometimes there are no signs. in the wake of a suicide, loved ones should never feel guilty or like they should have known something was wrong. it is not always possible to know someone is struggling.
according to camh, people who are at risk for suicide may have a sudden change in mood or behaviour, seem hopeless or helpless, express the wish to die or end their life, withdraw from activities they once enjoyed, show changes in sleeping patterns, have decreased appetite, and give away prized possessions or make preparations for their death.
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if you notice changes in a person’s behaviour that have you concerned, that’s a good reason to start a conversation about mental health. but it’s also important to check on people who aren’t showing outward signs of struggle.
how to check on your friends, family, and coworkers
it’s common for people to exchange how-are-yous without answering the question truthfully. most of us are guilty of answering that we are fine or even great when more is going on beneath the surface. in certain contexts, it might not feel appropriate to share the details of how we are struggling. but how can we ask how a person is and show we really mean it?
be a vocal supporter of mental health
one way you can start conversations with the people you know and love is by being vocal about your intention to support those around you.
you might say, “i know we all answer the question of how we are without thinking, but i’m always here to listen if the answer is not good or great.” this lets people know you are asking genuinely, and not just as a social convention.
you can also be explicit that you are supportive of people who are dealing with mental health concerns.
challenge stigma, especially in the workplace
there is still significant stigma associated with mental health, especially at work. according to a 2019 camh survey of working canadians, 3 out of 4 respondents said they would not feel comfortable disclosing a mental illness to an employer or coworker.
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what is interesting, however, is that 3 out of 4 also stated they would be “comfortable with and supportive of a colleague with mental illness”.
extending that support toward the people you work with can go a long way toward reducing stigma.
be open about your own mental health
another way to invite others to share how they are really doing is to be open about your own mental health.
making depression, anxiety, and other aspects of mental health a part of your everyday conversation can help others feel like the door is open to discuss their own feelings.
notice when someone withdraws
if you are involved in activities at work or in the community, it can be helpful to notice when someone pulls back from something they once enjoyed, even if they still seem to be okay.
it can be as simple as letting them know you noticed they haven’t been engaged and asking if everything is alright or if there’s anything that would make it easier for them to join again.
summary
tackling the stigma around mental health is not something we can do alone, but messages like this one can spark conversations. by opening up about one’s own mental wellbeing, extending genuine questions about how others are doing, and reaching out to those who are withdrawing, we might be able to create connections that pull others up from the darkness.
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