consider the doctor in the first case. he is well-known, with lots of big letters behind his name, a healthy supply of lauded acceptances to journals and published abstracts, effective at figuring out ways to treat disease and save lives. these are all qualities you want in the person leading your charge towards survival. other words used to describe him include: “lacking in a bedside manner;” “fast;” and “removed.” as one of his patients put it, “if you are looking for a long hug and a tissue, he’s not the one for you.”
but doesn’t that have an important role to play in what it means to care for someone? perhaps not literally a hug and a tissue, but metaphorically: empathy, compassion and concern. answering questions, noticing and acknowledging tears, and talking out worry and fear. in other words, reading your room.
certainly, it doesn’t come naturally to everyone. in fact, it’s well-known among patients that doctors who treat very aggressive diseases — the kind that kill — are not always the most sympathetic when it comes to comforting those with diseases that likely have a good ending. save your tears, man, things really could be worse, is generally their vibe. still, fear is relative, and as the man with the latte — who, as it turned out, has a type of cancer that can be treated — will tell you, any cancer diagnosis is terrifying and patients deserve the space to cry, grieve and be frightened. and the burden of it all made a little lighter by an expert, if only because they can.