machado: glass children, glass adults — when illness makes us invisible

this conversation happened just days after my sister-in-law passed on a recent study looking at the lived experiences of people whose siblings had chronic illnesses or disabilities — also known as the “glass children,” a term used to refer to children who are overlooked by caregivers focused on the needs of their sick sibling. the u.k.-based research identified four common themes among these children: feelings of invisibility during social interactions, psychological difficulties, guilt and self-blame.

glass children, glass adults

the concept of glass children is not new. the hashtag #glasschild has had more than 140 million views on tiktok, with the term notably highlighted in a 2010 tedx talk by speaker alicia maples who described glass children as “caretakers” who are “naturally conditioned not to have any problems,” and when asked how they were doing, are “always fine.” the impact of being a glass child has been well-researched, finding that siblings of people with chronic health issues or disabilities face a boatload of challenges, including an increased likelihood of internalizing problems rather than seeking help; trouble with relationships and overall functioning; and a risk of depression . and none of it ended when they grew up, according to maples . in fact, they often carry all of this with them, she says, and it shows up as “addiction, or some other self-sabotaging behaviour, as well as low-self-esteem because they think that validation is seen in the eyes of other people.”

that the bearded guy on his way to nevada made the connection between how he felt as a child overshadowed by the needs of his brother and how he felt as a caregiver to his wife was pretty insightful. there is no such thing as glass adults, or glass caregivers, but maybe there should be. after all, ask anyone in a family or relationship that includes someone who is managing health challenges — caregiver or not — and they will likely describe similar feelings of not being seen, heard, or valued, feeling forced to act like they are always ok, not to mention carrying a deep sense of guilt and self-blame. in fact, research has shown that partners of people with chronic illnesses are unwilling to be honest about the burden of care and they experience a decrease in mental and physical well-being. there is also an uncomfortable sense of being neglected and ignored as the people around them focus only on the person who is ill, not checking on their well-being.

but that’s the thing about illness — it’s like an earthquake, the core of which begins with one person, but then causes seismic waves that spread outward, engulfing those who are connected to the person by love, or blood, or friendship or simply concern in varying degrees. in fact, some experts have even described the fallout as “suffering” and “distress” culminating in feelings of helplessness, lack of control, guilt, anger and worry.

we should be checking in on caregivers, not just patients