sexual health: we need more conversations about anal sex, experts say
it can be hard to talk about sex, but open discussions will help to prevent infections, injuries and stigma.
a majority of young women feel they are unable to withdraw consent or say no to sexual activity after initially saying yes, according to research from the university of new brunswick .
this research is an extension of a larger study, looking at experiences of initial sexual encounters and how they impact sex and relationships in early adulthood. in the interviews for the initial study a common topic emerged — many of the women expressed they did not know they could say no, or did not feel comfortable saying no after they had already consented to sex.
“[participants would say], i should have realized that i could have said no at the time, even though i had already said yes ,” explains lead researcher aryn benoit, phd candidate in clinical psychology at the university of new brunswick. ” … sadly, the majority of participants in the study reported, both when they were teenagers and to this day, that they have difficulties withdrawing consent.”
these results do not come as a surprise to farrah khan, ceo of possibility seeds, a canadian social change consultancy . often, consent is taught as a list item to get out of the way, she explains, rather than an ongoing conversation that has to occur throughout the encounter.
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“it should be the responsibility of both partners within the sexual interaction to check in with one another throughout, to make that opportunity for someone to withdraw their consent,” says benoit. “it can be really hard to be like, hold up. i don’t want to do this anymore. can we stop? ”
on the other hand, says khan, having sexually explicit conversations are also generally frowned on, so young adults may not know how to express what they do want and direct the encounter to something they enjoy. learning to consider their sexuality and express it in a safe and respectful way is key.
“so many students don’t know how to flirt, they don’t know how to communicate what they want and desire,” says khan. “ there’s a lot of shame when they do and there’s fear. the vulnerability comes up. when you say no, will they hurt me or not like me anymore?
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according to data from the canadian centre for justice and community safety, of the women at canadian post-secondary schools who are survivors of sexual assault (a staggering one in ten), 19 per cent reported the assault took place after they had agreed to another form of sexual activity. for example, pressure to having penetrative sex, or agreeing to protected sex but then having their partner remove the condom part way through.
and consenting after coercion isn’t consent, according to the durham rape crisis centre .
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emma jones is a multimedia editor with healthing. you can reach her at emjones@postmedia.com or on instagram and twitter @jonesyjourn .