'til death do us part': how a traditional vow can help you live longer

imagine if managing your kid’s school fun fair could add years to your life? or what if taking the oath of ‘til death do us part’ not only meant a vow of love and commitment, but could also boost your longevity? according to marta zaraska, author of growing young: how friendship, optimism and kindness can help you live to 100, these seemingly everyday things can, in fact, change the course of your life expectancy.zaraska, a science journalist, as well as the author of several polish novels, started her most recent book thinking that she was writing about two topics: psychology and how people interact with others, and nutrition and general physical wellbeing.“but then i came across a study that showed our health behaviours, such as diet, exercise, and smoking and compared these to how socially connected we are, the quality of our marriages, and whether we live alone or not,” she says. “scientists came to the conclusion that social connection is far more important than diet and exercise which for me was mind-blowing. that, in fact, our health and physiology are very much linked to our social lives.”we caught up with zaraska at her home in france to talk about what it takes to live a life that’s long, but also happy and how writing her most recent book changed what she worried about, and what she taught her daughter about food, having a clean room and being a good neighbour.healthing: if social connection is so vital to our health, what is the impact of the isolation that has been made necessary by covid-19?marta zaraska: it’s definitely not good from a health perspective. it’s not good to be isolated. there are many studies showing that people who are socially isolated are more susceptible to your classic cold viruses — we are more susceptible especially when we feel lonely and isolated. while i am absolutely not saying we shouldn’t be keeping our distance because of the virus, it’s very important to socially distance — but we need to be aware of the side effects of isolation. we should try to counteract these negative effects by reaching out to others any way we can. for example, there are studies that show that hugging other people boosts your immune system. if you live with someone, hug them, hold hands, look into their eyes. animals also feel the same consequences of isolation. if mice are isolated, for example, they will get fat. parrots that are left alone live shorter lives, than those that live with other parrots.h: why did you call the book “growing young”?mz: the “growing” part is important. it’s rewarding for me to realize that a lot of the things that are important to staying healthy and living longer like, being kind, socially connected, friendly, and optimistic, helps you to live longer and stay healthy, but also grow as a person. it makes you younger.h: typically, many of us aspire to live longer, but generally, the quality of later life tends to be perceived as poor, associated with physical and mental decline. has anyone told you that they don’t want to live a long life?mz: often when i talk about this, people say they don’t want to live to be 100 and be frail and old. but we know that people who live long lives, on average, also stay healthy much longer. for example, the average person will live to about 80 years old and will spend about 18 per cent of their time on earth ridden by disease. whereas only five per cent of supercentenarians — people who live to 110 or longer — spend their later years plagued by health issues. in fact, one out of 10 supercentenarians will escape disease until the last three months of their lives. so when you hear stories about people over 100 doing marathons, we really shouldn’t be that surprised because if they made it to 100, they were probably in very good health to begin with. now, someone who is 82 doing a marathon could more surprising. the healthier you are, the longer you live; the longer you live, the healthier you are.h: what are some of the changes we can make to our lives to increase our chances of growing “young”?mz: the first is to focus on romantic relationships — as long as you are committed and making a decision to stay together until death do you part. studies show that people who live together, but who do not have the kind of certainty of knowing that they are going to stay together, don’t get the health benefits of staying in their relationship. a committed relationship is the biggest health boost you can get, especially if you are a man — mostly because women tend to remind men to eat healthy and exercise and take their medications, for example. it’s also important to recognize the biological art of connection. there’s touch and eye contact, but also, just being side by side, our bodies get in tune and the rhythm of our hearts synchronize.the second thing is community. knowing your neighbours, feeling there are people out there who you can count on and who can count on you, and participating in local activities.third, have a bright outlook on life. you may be a gloomy person — which is inherited in large part —but you can change. optimism can add four to 10 years to your life.finally, conscientiousness has a tremendous impact on health. being organized, keeping your desk clean, paying bills on time. scientists have shown, for example, that the effects of being conscientious on health are so strong they can be compared to taking aspirin to prevent heart disease — it’s an extremely strong effect.h: did writing this book prompt you to make any changes to your life?mz: i think about health differently now. instead of obsessing about diet, we try to focus on whether we are paying attention to our neighbours enough and whether we are being kind. i teach my daughter that it’s important to eat her carrots, just like she should clean her room.i also pay more attention to empathy, which is another amazing health booster, and it’s not something that you either have or you don’t have. you can learn it — it’s a skill. think about the things we are facing right now, with the virus and all kinds of political struggles. these are opportunities to exercise empathy muscles. this, as well as optimism, social connection, and conscientiousness, not only make you healthier and live longer, but they also help you to enjoy the life you are living more. and not only will you be a nicer member of society, but you are giving yourself a chance to live an extra 20 years or more.

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