sara*, a 30-year-old toronto-based freelance writer, has never felt comfortable touching herself. sexually, that is. as far back as she can remember, masturbation just felt “dirty.” but since the covid-19 pandemic, and all of its social-distancing rules, she’s gone without a sexual partner and has spent more time alone than ever. it’s had her becoming her own sex partner.
“masturbating always seemed kind of gross to me,” she says. “we never talked about it in school or at home, and it never felt like something i needed. i’ve always had a pretty steady partner, and, i guess, when i did try, i just couldn’t get myself anywhere, you know? but now, i’ve actually felt the need being on my own so much and i’ve had the time to practice and learn how to get myself there.”
now, into the second year of the pandemic, she masturbates about twice a week — and she enjoys it. sara, by the way, is in a very big camp.
according to a
fivethirtyeight
survey, men masturbate more than women in just about every demographic. it also found that, regardless of age, women are less likely to have tried masturbating. part of that is associated with the taboo that still surrounds women, masturbation and their sexuality. for example, when i think back on sex education in high school, i remember very explicitly learning how to put a condom on a banana and stimulate it, and that was where discussion of masturbation ended. when it came to women, discussion surrounded menstruation and pregnancy. with porn, too, the focus is typically on male pleasure. all of which illustrates how female sexuality begins to appear “taboo” or even, as sara said, “gross”, when you’re growing up and discovering your body.
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