sara*, a 30-year-old toronto-based freelance writer, has never felt comfortable touching herself. sexually, that is. as far back as she can remember, masturbation just felt “dirty.” but since the covid-19 pandemic, and all of its social-distancing rules, she’s gone without a sexual partner and has spent more time alone than ever. it’s had her becoming her own sex partner.“masturbating always seemed kind of gross to me,” she says. “we never talked about it in school or at home, and it never felt like something i needed. i’ve always had a pretty steady partner, and, i guess, when i did try, i just couldn’t get myself anywhere, you know? but now, i’ve actually felt the need being on my own so much and i’ve had the time to practice and learn how to get myself there.”now, into the second year of the pandemic, she masturbates about twice a week — and she enjoys it. sara, by the way, is in a very big camp.according to a
fivethirtyeight survey, men masturbate more than women in just about every demographic. it also found that, regardless of age, women are less likely to have tried masturbating. part of that is associated with the taboo that still surrounds women, masturbation and their sexuality. for example, when i think back on sex education in high school, i remember very explicitly learning how to put a condom on a banana and stimulate it, and that was where discussion of masturbation ended. when it came to women, discussion surrounded menstruation and pregnancy. with porn, too, the focus is typically on male pleasure. all of which illustrates how female sexuality begins to appear “taboo” or even, as sara said, “gross”, when you’re growing up and discovering your body.but then, in comes the pandemic. to start, we know that canadians have been having less sex throughout this period, according to
a national survey by researchers at the university of british columbia, and that’s largely due to high stress levels. and, based on
a recent study by the sex information & education council of canada (sieccan), which surveyed 1500 university students across the country about how the pandemic has impacted their lives, we know that 43 per cent of all students reported masturbating more. if we break that down by gender, we learn that 37.5 per cent of women are masturbating more, compared to 49 per cent of men, which are pretty big and wonderful numbers — particularly for the former. in addition, 37 per cent more are using vibrators and sex toys.“there is a slowly changing narrative around women’s agency over their sexual pleasure and we’re in a time when women are receiving more information on their bodies and how to get to know them and understanding, for example, that it’s not just penetrative sex that is the ‘goal’ but that clitoral stimulation is important, too,” explains jessica wood, research specialist at sieccan. “when i look at some of the media that younger people are consuming, the messages around pleasure seem to be shifting, too.”she references, in particular, netflix’s
sex education, a ground-breaking comedy-drama series that follows british high-school students as they discover pleasure and their sexualities. in one key episode, a female character’s story arc sees her go from viewing sex as being performative — though never having had an orgasm — to a stunning scene in which she masturbates and finds fun and pleasure in bed for the first time, all at her own hand.the encouragement to explore is coming from unexpected places, too.“because of covid, governments, public health units, and other organizations have had to put out guidance around sexual behaviour,” says woods. “what’s amazing is that the guidelines often highlight masturbation as a safe and pleasurable activity that is low risk for covid-19, which i think is a pretty incredible message. it is possible that this more positive narrative and recommendation could have a positive effect on people’s sexual behaviour as well.”
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hunkering down at home hasn’t hurt either.“isolation is also providing people with an opportunity to be like, ‘hey, maybe i do want to explore something, i have the time and opportunity now,'” she says. “combined with new messaging, it feels more okay to do than before, especially in terms of providing comfort and stress relief.”because they release hormones, sex and self-pleasure are considered stress relievers and, therefore, can be especially useful during a pandemic. but, for some, pleasure is the last thing on the mind when stressed. the fact is everyone operates differently, and there are countless reasons for the uptick in masturbation. but whatever the case, it’s a good sign that we might be moving in a healthier direction when it comes to how we view women’s sexuality.for wood, a few signs of this, based on sieccan’s study, are that “there’s a tangible number of people (36 per cent) who say that they are talking with their partners more about their sexual needs, while 41 per cent are saying that they’re talking about their emotional needs and boundaries more often than they were before, that’s really really encouraging.”
a significant number of women, especially, with 45 per cent more talking about their emotional needs and boundaries, and 38 per cent more talking about their sexual needs and boundaries.“my hope is that young people continue to build off of some of these communication skills that they may have learned during the pandemic about risk assessment and assessing boundaries with their partners,” adds wood, who also notes that identifying ways for young men to increase their communication about their emotional needs — which also impacts their partners — during this time will be crucial moving forward.one thing is clear: for women, sexual taboos are finally lessening, and that’s been a long time coming. who knew all it would take is a pandemic?
sadaf ahsan is a toronto-based culture writer, editor and stereotypical middle child. she can be reached here.
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